Stop Commenting on What I'm Eating. Thanks.

Due to the fact that I work in an office composed primarily of chicks, I'm constantly being questioned as to what I'm eating. I assume this is due to the fact that I eat like a starving guy and remain in pretty good shape. The only other explanation is that they are passively requesting a bite. So, I offer. When no bite is accepted, I can only assume a severe case of accusatory meddling. But, what are the accusations? Here we go...

As a half-hearted disclaimer, I'd like to give my nosy colleagues the benefit of the doubt that their neverending inquiries are based on general curiosity, but this degree of prying is way too prevalent to be explained by a general interest in the human condition. Plus, I haven't once witnessed anybody else's dietary practices being called into question.

This was a common trend in the sorority I lived in for a year (before I ultimately quit) at Indiana University. Girls would eagle-eye other girls' plates to see what they were eating. Then they'd whisper about it to one another: "Oh my God, did you see what Melanie's eating today?!" Granted, since most of the girls there were essentially starving themselves or taking laxatives, a certain degree of commentary was certainly warranted. But, c'est la vie. That's their prerogative.

What I'm dealing with here, my friends, is the complete opposite situation. I'll admit it: I eat like a damn cow. Even my guy friends give me props, all having told me on separate occasions that I can out-eat them and out-drink them any day. And, it's 100% true. Thank you, but no applause. Okay, maybe just a little one.

But seriously, now that I've framed the picture for you, let's get back to the girls I work with:

The girl who sits behind me, for one, continually says, "Oh, I see you're eating again." To which, I reply, "Yep, I am. What's it to ya?" Not being the shy type, she tells me she thinks I'm bulimic. I, of course, take this as a compliment since I'm not, in fact, bulimic. Rather, I view it for what it is: an affirmation of her approval. Kudos to me. I've never been one to turn down a compliment... no matter what form it takes on.

The chunky girl who comes into my office and comments on my lunch daily (I pack my lunch to save my hard-earned dough, so I usually eat at my desk). Often I'm eating something smothered in melted cheese and sprinkled with lard, so I guess it's a fair question that renders justifiable curiosity ... ONCE.

Her: "How can you eat that and stay so thin?"
Me: "I do cardio 5 or 6 days a week, which basically makes it impossible to put on weight."
Her: "I just don't believe that working out really takes the weight off."
Me: "Okay. It doesn't."

The annoying girl who always happens to be in the kitchen area when I am (Why is it that every time I'm in the kitchen, you's in the kitchen too?!), takes liberty to look in my bag to see what I've brought for the day. "Oh my gosh, you brought a whole dried salami!" Then I catch her looking me up and down in my periphery, assumedly to see where it all goes.

The emaciated girl who is usually using the microwave to heat water for her herbal tea, while I'm waiting to use it to warm up last night's lamb chops for breakfast: "Oh my God, you eat the weirdest things for breakfast. That's so gross." Oh, I'm sorry. I don't remember asking your skeleton-ass your opinion. Did I miss something?

If I didn't have to see these people on a regular basis, my response would be something along the lines of, "I've made it 26 years with out your advice and I've done just fine, so..." But, unfortunately, I do see them on a regular basis, so my response is usually just unspoken annoyance.

All four of these offenders have issues with the working out thing. Three of them proclaimed that they don't work out. The fourth didn't have to.

Offender #1 told me she wanted to lose weight but didn't want to work out or eat less. I'm interested to see how that will work out for her.

Offender #2 evidently doesn't believe in exercise

Offender #3 claims that she hasn't worked out in years

Offender #4 is one of those outdated waif people (who thrived in the eighties), and is way too brittle to work out. She doesn't have to admit it, but she would break under the pressure of lifting a 5 lb weight.

My sister and I have this theory that you can stay in shape by doing one or two of the following things:

1) Work Out
2) Eat Less

But, rarely can you stay in shape doing neither. I choose to work out and eat entire fromageries for lunch. If you don't like it, keep it to yourself. It's becoming annoying. Thanks.

Bulimic Sorority Indiana University