Friday, May 05, 2006

My New Line: The Sequel (REVIEWED!)

So, last night at Esca with Victor and Cesar (read post below), I was talking about the second addition to my "new line repertoire."

A cool man and his bitter wife were sitting right next to us at the time, but seeing as how I like to be the life of the party and I assume that whatever I am saying is being eagerly absorbed by those in my presence, I didn't hesitate to blurt out my new line to Victor and everyone else within a mile radius:

"So, I saw D the other day and he was wearing a pink shirt. I told him it really brings out his vagina! Ain't that a hoot?"

Everyone was laughing hysterically ... except for, of course, the bitter wife. Bitter wives, also known as "ice princesses," don't laugh. They seethe. I can't cater to them though, so I ignored her. You never know - bitter wife syndrome might be contagious and I'd like to avoid contracting any of the symptoms.

Anyway, a few minutes later I looked over at Cesar and asked: "The wife wasn't amused by my new line, was she?"

Cesar: "Not at all. Did you hear what her husband said?"

Me: "No. Do tell!"

Cesar: "He told her: 'babe you've gotta expect these things - we're in a bar.'"

Oh, how I do chuckle inside. I'm the obnoxious drunk at the bar. Kind of gives me the warm fuzzies.

When they got up to leave, I commenced making passive aggressive comments, such as, "He's cheating on you. No big deal" and "She just can't take the heat." Of course, I maintained eye contact with my plate of octopus rather than looking at her because A). I'm a wimp, and B). I wanted her to fall asleep wondering whether or not I was, in fact, speaking of her.

Hee hee.

I apologized to Victor for running his customers out, but he didn't care. He still had us - his faves. Plus, he has great taste: He loved my new line. I mean, how could you not?

2 comments:

bufflo said...

That wife, was she hot? See, I have this fantasy about marrying a stone cold bitch, high fucking maintenance, you know the kind, but when we're alone she's sweet and wants to have sex all the time. Maybe it's just a fantasy, but a guy's gotta have dreams.

Chad said...

Bitches turn me on. An absolute, nose in the air, I'm better than you, My shit is golden, Oh God don't put it there (oh which you alwasy do!) bitch.

They are priceless. So pompass. So easily broken. ...Especially when they're in charge of important shit and you KNOW they want to get railed by you, one of their minions.

Hmmmm... That reminds me of someone I need to call. Out.