So, last night at Esca with Victor and Cesar (read post below), I was talking about the second addition to my "new line repertoire."
A cool man and his bitter wife were sitting right next to us at the time, but seeing as how I like to be the life of the party and I assume that whatever I am saying is being eagerly absorbed by those in my presence, I didn't hesitate to blurt out my new line to Victor and everyone else within a mile radius:
"So, I saw D the other day and he was wearing a pink shirt. I told him it really brings out his vagina! Ain't that a hoot?"
Everyone was laughing hysterically ... except for, of course, the bitter wife. Bitter wives, also known as "ice princesses," don't laugh. They seethe. I can't cater to them though, so I ignored her. You never know - bitter wife syndrome might be contagious and I'd like to avoid contracting any of the symptoms.
Anyway, a few minutes later I looked over at Cesar and asked: "The wife wasn't amused by my new line, was she?"
Cesar: "Not at all. Did you hear what her husband said?"
Me: "No. Do tell!"
Cesar: "He told her: 'babe you've gotta expect these things - we're in a bar.'"
Oh, how I do chuckle inside. I'm the obnoxious drunk at the bar. Kind of gives me the warm fuzzies.
When they got up to leave, I commenced making passive aggressive comments, such as, "He's cheating on you. No big deal" and "She just can't take the heat." Of course, I maintained eye contact with my plate of octopus rather than looking at her because A). I'm a wimp, and B). I wanted her to fall asleep wondering whether or not I was, in fact, speaking of her.
I apologized to Victor for running his customers out, but he didn't care. He still had us - his faves. Plus, he has great taste: He loved my new line. I mean, how could you not?