Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Bum Stalkers Need Not Apply.

What does a girl have to do to get a reliable stalker 'round here?

In days of yore (last week, as it turns out), I had a stalker that even a celebrity could envy. He would stalk me on myspace and on this here blog. He'd write about me (and my fictional lesbian scenes, to boot), give me a random phone call here and there, IM me under false names like "tyronedoggie", email me and even leave an occassional nasty comment (well, he's still good for that, at least).

But, now he's gone. I don't know how it happened. I didn't even know it had happened. Until today...

Like a wife accidentally walking in on her adulterous husband, I happened upon this discovery purely by mistake. The flawless evidence was in his links section:

Currently Stalking: Open apply today!

This, in place of, "Currently Stalking: GiGi"

Huh?! What did I do? Or rather, what didn't I do?

I found myself surprisingly upset. I might even use the term "used" here. Yes, "used" seems to fit the bill nicely.

So, I guess all this really means is that I, too, am accepting applications for a new stalker as I've done once before.

Dearest stalker, if you're out there, I'll just have you know that you are but a dispensable employee who I can replace with a mere jog over to Craigslist.

Yet, still I cry...

Just goes to show, you don't miss your water 'til your well runs dry. Or something like that.

On that note, please send your resumes to me Here. The position's requirements are summarized in paragraph 2 of this post. Happy Stalking!


Morris said...

Remember when I told you stalking was a two way street? I just did not feel like you appreciated what I was doing.

However I am all for third chances... But will you have me back?

Morris said...

and the screen name was "TyroneDoggyDawg"

Little details like forgetting the screen name I first used to mack with you, really make me feel small and lacking value.

Morris said...

Oh yeah "random phone call here and there". That's not my style, sounds like I had competition.

Ben said...

Three comments in 6 minutes. I'd say that qualifies his stalker status again.