Wednesday, May 03, 2006

My Roommate, The Delivery Boy

I've told you about my roomate's list of prospective jobs before, but yesterday's addition - to use a cliche - really took the cake:

"I think I'll just be a pot delivery guy."


Background: One of the cool things about NYC is that potsmokers have the benefit of having a delivery boy. You can pretty much get anything deliverd in New York, but the way in which pot arrives in these parts is nothing short of magnificent. The guys gets a page (Yeah - they still carry pagers. That part hasn't been revolutionized yet), and if he recognizes the number, he calls back to take the order. Once he arrives (about an hour later than expected), he looks around the house to make sure there are no cops and what not, then, with not just a mild sense of paranoia, he pulls out what can only be likened to a catalogue of different varieties, colors and season shades - each type seperated into a handly little plastic box. The box is bought, delivery guy is out. It's that simple.

I'm sure I sound naive in my amazement, but this is a new approach I wish I would've known about back in the day when smoking pot was still, well, cool (and when I say "cool," I don't mean there's something wrong with smoking it, I mean that it's not okay to put it on display the way my roommate does: "Hey everybody! I'm smoking pot. Yep, the ganja! Yayyy weed!"). That's pretty lame, which totally explains why my roommate does it.

But, moving right along, my roommate declared that this is what he's going to do. He's going to see the business from the other side! Going to learn a new trade! Start a new life! Yeah, all that.

In his words, this is why he's qualified (his resume, if you will):

  • "I know all about the product (guffaw, guffaw)." [Yeah, most people do. Well, most people the age of 15]
  • "I'm a people person and can get along with anybody." [Over here! Hello? Remember me? We don't get along and I I hate you!]
  • "It will be good exercise." [Remember, he's a bodybuilder who shaves his chest]
  • "I'm a salesperson." [Yes, let's hope the qualities that have made you excel in your present job, carry over to your next venture]

I am so wrong.

So, basically - had I actually been looking for another reason to hate my roommate, he delivered one efficiently. Maybe this would be a good job for him.


bufflo said...

Oh man! I miss my deliveries! But it's been over one year now since I saw the green dragon. I miss him too.

(Pot's not about being cool. Anyone who thinks that is lame. Doing lines with celebrities, now that's cool.)

Gigi said...

I disagree, I think it's okay to think it's cool when you're about 14-16. After that, turning your hat sideways and pretending you're a gangsta ... not so cool. Especially if you're almost 30.

Chad said...

Pot was cool in High School. Sorry Bufflo. ...But I'd be interested in seeing a survey on that.

bufflo said...

HAHA! Well, I never said pot itself or talking about pot is cool. Just like drinking isn't cool in itself. But I love doing it.

badmammajamma said...

Gigi, I hope your roommate's mom reads your blog and he gets in big fat trouble for smoking the marijuana cigarettes. I think you should start an additional blog, one that echoes the sentiment behind Laughlynne's, and you should name it "I Hate You, Guy Who Lives In The Room Next To Mine" or something like that.

P.S. Anyone who shaves their chest moves swiftly to the top of my "People To Kill" list.

Paulina said...

Friend of mine's twin brother used to be a pot pusher in his prestigious private school - never managed miraculously to get expelled. Two years on, he is a fat schizophrenic manic-depressive who has been twice arrested, admitted into rehab rather than university and not been able to hold a job for more than two days because of his susceptibility to get into trouble.

Why can't people just be addicted to a healthier outlet like sex, champagne, cigars and err, God?

Yes, Badmammajamma, men who shave their chests should be castrated. Might as well slip the razor southbound considering those bits do nothing for virility anyway.

bufflo said...

I don't think any addiction is too healthy, especially not any blind addiction to religion (airplane + tall building = not very good).

badmammajamma said...

What about blind addictions to pudding?

bufflo said...

Pudding is like a hot girl's ass, and cowbell: you can never have too much of it.

Chad said...

I wonder what happens when you combine pudding, hot girl's ass AND cowbell. That could be a creative night!

...there's just a problem with where to put the cowbell when you're done.