Thursday, May 18, 2006

My Sister's New Roommate, The Cheesemaker

My sister Andrea, who currently lives in Park City, Utah, was just dumped by her self-involved snowboarder boyfriend. So, instead of sitting around and sulking like any other chick might, she opted to pack up shop and hightail it to New York City. After all, why sit around and let him see you cry? No chance. Not if I have anything to say about it anyway...

"ME? Cry over YOU? Paahhhleeeaaassseee...
You are sorely mistaken, my brotha."

She was bagged last week. She arrives on Monday. But this short little anecdote isn't really about her. While she's indeed an instrumental figure, this is about my new business with D (No, not the church - I'm still developing the religion we're going to pawn off on people. Stay tuned though).

So, the plan was that my sister would stay with me for about a week or however long it took for her to find a place. However, I got a call from her the other day and she told me that she found a place and a roommate. And not just any roommate, a cheesemaker! And not just any cheesemaker, a cheesemaker who works at...

Me: "Wait, where does he work?" (I had a feeling about this one)
Her: "Some place that starts with an 'A' and ends with an 'N-A-L'"
Me: "Anal? Artisanal? Artisanal! That is my favorite restaurant!" (Dirty Sapphire martinis with cheese stuffed olives!)
Her: "Yeah, I think that's it."
Me: "Oh my gosh, I have to call you back!"

I had to share the news with someone who would truly appreciate the implications of this development. Seeing as how D recently got into the cheese-making business, I called him at work.

His response - which completely reconfirmed all of the reasons why I am absolutely crazy about him - was that he, me and my sis's new roommate need to go into business together.

D: "I wonder if he knows of a market for the rare cheese we produce, babe?"*
Me: "Oh, I'm sure he does. Anyone who knows how to make cheese is basically a God. He's omnipotent. We're going to make millions!"

D couldn't agree with me more. And with that, we turned a simple idea into a rough draft of a business plan.

D, Andrea and I are meeting our new partner at Artisanal this coming Tuesday. You know - to tell him about his new business. I'm sure he'll be just as excited as we are to get started.

*If you have any desire to understand what the hell I'm talking about in this post, you really need to read the link I provided above. It's short and funny, I promise.


bufflo said...

How much will this cheese cost? Will it be a Sharp Gigi Jack Cheddar or more like a Bleu de Gigi?

Ben said...

Ok, this idea still needs some development, but you are welcome to steal it.

Why not tie the cheesemaking business into your religion intended to dupe people! You could make millions from the cheese, and millions more by attaching it to religion. Think about it:

Whoever the central character in your bible is could break cheese instead of bread to feed the thousands, it could be offered as communal cheese instead of the dry, tasteless wafer (and think how well it would go with the wine!), and it could be marketed as God's Cheese!

By the way, once you bang out the kinks in your newfound religion, if you need a random public spokesperson to spread the 'good word,' I'd be willing to contract my services. We can work out the compensation details later, but I will say I'd expect a royalty of all incoming tithings, and all the cheese I could possibly eat.

bufflo said...

Hmm, you would eat the cheese produced from Gigi's breast milk? And even more unbelievable, accept it as payment? Hmm.

Chad said...

So is that your sister?


bufflo said...

Lay off! Gigi gave me her blessings! We're getting married!

badmammjamma said...

Hey, Gigi, can I get in on the ground floor of this whole venture? It's highly possible that I'm pregnant (not positive just yet) and if I am, I'll be lactating like a mofo in the not too distant future. I'll definitely produce a different flavor of cheese. You know, a mild, easily melting, salty cheese. Since I live in the South and all, and apparently everyone from the South is very laid-back or "mild" and everything down here melts easily. Plus, I'm one salty bitch.

Chad said...

That's cool Bufflo...

As soon as you make your way over to, Oh Wait... You're in Sweden! Muahahaha.

I'll send you a Postcard from Manhattan next month ;)

bufflo said...

Chad you bastard!

*sniff sniff*

Morris said...

It's been a while...

I saw your post about Craig's list, there is what appears to be an odd stain on the blanket of that bed. Was someone murdered there before and you just didn't use enough bleach to cover it up? Remember CSI can come in and still find the dna evidence or blood type. I saw it on tv, and we all know tv doesn't lie or over simplify things.

It's too bad your sister won't be staying with you. That way you could have doubled teamed your roomie.

Gigi said...

Ben and BMJ,

I like your ideas and your ambition. Welcome aboard! We'll need to get some missionaries for the project - I think that's where Bufflo and Chad will come in.

Morris can be the devil, or the creator/cause of evil, in our religion.

I will, of course, be the priestess.

Are we missing anything else?

Ben said...

Sure, we need some sort of propaganda spouting machine. We can steal ideas from already established religions, but we probably need to come up with some of our own. The mormons seemed to have the most clever way of founding their church and make it impossible to refute. I think we should take their lead:

J Smith: "God spoke to me, he lead me to the tablets of the TRUE word of God!"

Townspeople: "That's great, John. Let's take a look so we can all truly understand!"

J Smith: "Uhhh, actually God said that only I am allowed to see them, and that I'm supposed to lead you. It's just as well, because they are written in a magical language that only I can read thanks to this handy-dandy looking glass the Lord provided me with."

Townspeople: " Can we at least see the looking glass?"

J Smith: "No. Enough talk. Let's go to Utah. Oh, and God said I could also have 7 wives. I'll take you, you, you...ummm, you, you...lets see, thats 1,2,3,4,5,...two more...two more...ummm, you there, and the back...with the blue dress, not you...her. Yes, her. That's the one. Alright, lets roll!"