Dave really knows how to apologize to a lady. He has entered a contest to win the above toilet for me. He called me raving about it. "Babe, it has a TV, a radio, little pedal things so you can workout while you're pooping!"
He promises that, one day, we're going to have matching toilets. They're going to face each other, so that we can look into one another's eyes as we accomplish our life work. They will have signs that read "Gigi's Throne" and "Dave's Throne." They will cook, clean and sing us lullabyes if we want them to, damnit. He says we will also have crushed velvet capes, golden crowns and bidets that will clean and blow dry our asses. Sweet talk will only get you so far, my dear.