Thursday, May 25, 2006

12 Reasons You Should Probably Just Go Ahead and Break Up With The Bastard...

Formerly titled: 12 Reasons I'm glad I'm dating My Boyfriend Rather Than The Scumbag You Got Stuck With.

1). You live in New York. He lives in Houston. He refuses to travel to New York.

2). He cheated on you within the first 6 weeks that you were dating and you took him back.

3). He just moved his baby's mama from Philly to Houston so that he could "be close to his kids."

4). You feel the need to check his phone bill online. Constantly.

5). You somehow have identified which girl each of the numbers on that bill belongs to.

6). There are more than a few girls calling.

7). You rationalize out loud that the reason that enter girl's name here called him at 4:45 in the morning on Saturday was "because—oh yeah, I know her—they do business together."

8). According to this online phone bill, you called him minutes before this and he didn't pick up your call. He picked up her call and they talked for a bit. He called her back not too long after. Perhaps to let him in? Hmm...

9). You know the number that dials his phone when someone needs to be let into the gate at his house. You recognize the girl's number who called to be let in at 2:45 a.m. Probably business though...

10). The girl who he cheated on you with called you to let you know that she and your boyfriend are dating again. You dismiss this completely. She's a boldface liar.

11). When you approach him about it and demand an explanation, he says he "doesn't have to explain shit" and demands that you "suck his big black dick." (Note: I'm just the messenger).

12). You found condoms under his sink. (You don't use condoms)

I could go on for pages, but do I really need to?

7 comments:

A Concerned Fan said...

I've told many people to suck my big black dick. Does that mean I'm cheating? No. So...clearly flawed logic.

(changing password to phone bill...)

Gigi said...

Look Chosen, I didn't say that tellin' someone to suck your big black dick means you're cheating. I just said it's a good reason to cut the bastard off from one's teet-o-life.

Got it, buddy?

A Concerned Fan said...

You know what? You can suck my big black dick! And while you're at it, go chew some penis. No wait...that order won't work out too well....

bufflo said...

I thought it was big black COCK.

badmammajamma said...

Who's the doormat that's got this asshole for a boyfriend? People like that make me ridiculously angry. The fact that they're so completely oblivious makes me want to scream. I'm just glad that it's you that knows this person instead of me. I have enough homicidal rage without this crap in my life.


P.S. Why do you call "a concerned fan" Chosen?

Chad said...

Example number 102,483,000.6 of chicks falling for Assholes!

The lesson to be learned here, Children, is that it pays to be a dick.

Had he said, "Suck on my large black chocolate covered cherries that I got you because I love you so much and want to spend the rest of my life with you to live as a splendid couple in matrimonial bliss.", She would have likely dumped him a week later to chase after that guy that called her a stuck up bitch in the bar last night.

Please tell me this is not your sister. Anyone who shares genes with the Gigi can not be a lame ass.

And, oh yeah, Suck on my big black Cock. ...Phrase of the day. I'm using it tonight ;)

Ben said...

I remember I used to be a decent human being. Women beat that out of me in high school. I'm still not cheater, but shit, I could have been someone's slave if got a date. Then I found the less attention I paid to women, the more they wanted to have sex with me.

I blame all of you.