Tuesday, June 27, 2006

My Cousin, The Madam...

Here's a mass email [Read: cattle round-up] that I just received from my cousin.

I'm pretty sure that she's this guy's agent on the side. I swear, Mr. Policeman, I had no idea she was running this business out of our apartment:


My friend John is in town from Scottsdale, AZ…an attractive male friend by the way….staying at the Hudson Hotel on a business trip. I’m meeting him for a couple of drinks at the
Hudson Bar tonight at 7:00pm , it’s supposed to be a pretty cool bar if anyone wants to join.

So you’re probably thinking….”S---, if he’s so great, why don’t you date him?” Well…he dated my best friend for 2 years so he’s off limits for me….but for some of you….fair game. He’s in NYC periodically on business for sales calls. Here are the specs:

  • 5’10-11”ish

  • Italian- dark hair and light brown eyes, good-looking
  • Funny!!!

  • Intelligent

  • Sales Manager for the RETRACTED

  • Owns a condo in Scottsdale

  • Slightly emotionally scarred from past relationships…but who isn’t???

  • I feel like such a PIMP…and he would actually kill me if he knew that I was writing this. Let me know if you can make it.



    Here are some of the preliminary responses (I don't understand the second one either):

    Friend #1: This says ERIN all over!

    Friend #2: So say all 12 of us can come that were invited, would he feel a little awkward? I might have to bring the email to make sure he can find us...

    Cousin: Oh no….he will love the captive audience!!!


    Ben said...

    Jesus...if 12 people show up, he's going to need a whip and a chair to keep you guys at bay. Why didn't I ever get thrown to the wolves like this? Probably because I don't own a condo in Scottsdale...and I can be a real asshole...

    Gigi said...

    Girls love assholes. Put that to memory.

    (And yes, your absence was noted...)

    Ben said...

    Yeah, actually, I started getting a lot more chicks when I stopped being a nice guy. Take note guys, any woman who says she wishes she could just find a 'nice guy' is a liar. It can be applied to that movie the Rock:

    Connory: "Don't try. Losers try. Winners go home and fuck the Homecoming queen."

    Cage: "My wife was the homecoming queen."

    Now remove 'losers' and 'winners' while replacing them with 'nice guys' and 'assholes,' accordingly.

    bufflo said...

    What a woman wants and a woman needs are two different things.