Sunday, June 25, 2006

I Can No Longer Handle Ashlee [sic] Simpson

My advanced apologies: I usually don't write about celebrities. I think you will agree that this is of the highest importance though.

My compulsion to mention Ashlee [sic] was ignited this morning when I heard her forced-'cutesy' voice blaring out of my TV set. No one really speaks/wines like that, right? Well, it's definitely not what you want to wake up to, but just the same, her voice alone wasn't enough ammunition for me to plague my site with the utterance of her name.

What was enough ammunition then?

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Ashlee [sic]: Before

The straw that broke the camel's back was this: I saw a brief clip of her being interviewed by Ryan Seacrest (a little teaser so viewers might tune in later for more!). Ryan asked Ashlee [sic] about her 'rumored' nose job and she answered: "Maybe I did, or maybe I didn't."

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Ashlee [sic]: After

Oh Ashlee [sic], you are so cryptic. So mysterious! The sheer suspense of it all!

I think I'm a little pissed at Ryan too (yes, we are on a first name basis here), for giving her the benefit of the doubt. Asking rather than telling. He should have phrased it differently: "So how's it feel now that you got the butt ugly bump out of your nose?" or "Your new schnoz looks a whole hell of a lot better than your old one. Kudos on the rhinoplasty! Oh, and by the way, you totally spell your name wrong. No big deal..."

As an aside, this painfully reminds me of when Justin Timberlake came out with the song "Cry Me A River." The public wondered, "Oh my gawd, is this about Britney??" But Justin would never say either way. So people continued wondering - rather than deducing the obvious for themselves - whether this thinly veiled song was based on his mediocrity (yes) or if he indeed created a song from his deep-seated creative well of experience (no).

Moral of this story? People are idiots. Ashlee [sic] Simpson is their leader.

1 comment:

A Concerned Fan said...

You tag whore.

join the club