Thursday, June 15, 2006

Heart Attack Update: A Tale of Survival

In an effort to give you top-notch reporting on yesterday's outfit catastrophe, I had to use the office's camera to take pictures of the ripped-crotch pants, the shabby shoes and the resulting scrounged-up grandma outfit.

The Camera
The problem with the office camera is that pictures can only be uploaded from it at one computer, which is in the front of the office and in full view. So, I took a chance, hoping my boss wouldn't step out of her office and see me. After all, I had absolutely no reason to be using the camera (not that I'm not allowed, I just didn't have a good explanation). After I had successfully uploaded the pics and was removing the memory card, who should walk out of her office? That's right. Now, usually I can come up with some sort of believable 'on-the-spot' excuse as to why I'm screwing around (For example: having the mail room ship out personal boxes for me, talking on the phone long distance, reading blogs when I should be working, etc...), but this time I was drawing a serious blank. I just looked down and put the memory card back into the camera, making eye contact only with her shoes, hoping she wouldn't ask me what pictures I was taking. She didn't. Instead, she declared, "That's a brilliant idea! Great thinking."


I caught on quick to the fact that she thought I was getting the camera ready to take to our convention, so I replied, "Yeah, I thought we could send some pics into the trade publications."

"That's excellent. They love getting those!"

Of course they do. I sent the photos out first thing this morning. She thanked me for following up so quickly.

"You're very welcome."

The Outfit
I probably don't need to remind you about the outfit, but just in case - it was horrid. Absolutely vulgar. I wouldn't wear it on an average day, no less to the event we attended yesterday. I was so embarrassed walking around in it that I made an ardent effort not to reveal my name to anyone. I didn't want my name to be associated with anything, especially not this outfit. And this is quite a shame, given the ample networking opportunities this event provided.

Before we left the office, I saw my boss staring me up and down, but I tried to pretend that this outfit was the result of a plan. I meant to do it. Plus, she always stares me up and down, so I didn't think it odd. Girls do these things, I guess. Whenever I walked into the same room as her, the other girls in the office (half of whose clothes I was wearing), giggled, wondering if my boss would say anything.

She didn't - that is, until we got to the event:

Boss: "You know - you should get a really nice corporate suit that you can wear to these events in the future."

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to tell her that I completely forgot about the event. Still, I couldn't tell her I went around the office borrowing random clothing.

Me: "To tell you the truth, I actually forgot about this meeting and this is what I wore to work today."

I cringed even at that lie - I didn't want her to think I'd actually wear this little get-up. Even worse, I have tons of "really nice corporate suits" in my closet.

I decided to wear one today, just to make up for the whole thing. Now she's looking me up and down, wondering why I look nice. I would so rather be wearing the ripped crotch pants.


bufflo said...

That's great. The camera thing.

I remember this one time I left a negotiation with a client, he was having me go through the entire contract line by line, but I had a sushi date, so I told my boss that he had to take over, not telling him about the sushi of course, and the day after he thought it was a great stategic idea, to leave the table and look busy.

Ben said...

When you sent the photos out to the trade publications, you did, I hope, remember to erase the one of your crotchless pants, right?

When your boss saw you today, I bet she thought, "Woulda been great if you wore that yesterday...Bitch."

Anyway, kudos on the good cover on a bad day. Glad you got through it, relatively unscathed.

Gigi said...

Ben: I think that's exactly what she was thinking... so I mentioned it. I told her I was making up for yesterday.

I erased the pics of the crotch pants right away, but that would have been a perfect ending for sure.

Ben said...

I think you should tell people that's how it ended when re-telling the tale to friends. I really can't think of a better punch-line to a great story.