Thursday, March 30, 2006

Comments finally open... and other mediocre updates

Here are some tidbits from life lately, in case you are interested and stuff.

D will be at my house in approximately 8 hours: Yayy! This news is great enough to have its own whole entry. Alas, I realize that it might not be interesting to anyone but me. And if it were, that would be kind of weird anyway.

A new dis from a new magazine is in the works: I submitted work to another household magazine (to be revealed after I get dissed), which means I should have a fresh denial letter for you all soon. I could possibly publish a coffee table book if I receive enough of these. Actually, that's a pretty good idea (which I am copywriting right now, by publishing it publicly - so get off it). If any of you have some denial letters from any magazines other than MAD, CRACKED, JANE, or McSweeney's, send them my way. I'll start an archive and give you credit for it if I ever do publish it. I'm serious.

I went out with Cak last night: She finally told me the whole story on her lousy, cheating boyfriend. The cheating episode she has always alluded to was not, as I thought, played out with some random chick. No, no, no - even worse. Three weeks after he and Cak started dating, the dirtball boyfriend went on vacation with his WIFE (to be fair, they were seperated, but still...), and got her pregnant! That is why Cak is so insecure. But this is not an excuse for her insecurity. She's a dumb ass for going back to him. Wow.

Today in Chosen: I haven't mentioned Chosen at all lately, which probably explains my surge in traffic (and by "surge in traffic," I mean 20-30 visitors/day). I got a text message from him the other day that said he slammed his finger and probably wouldn't be able to update his blog this week. I volunteered to guest blog for him and contributed this idea for my guest post. The little bastard loved the idea so much, he went ahead and wrote it himself, despite his pancaked finger. At least he gave me credit though. In addition, he sent me a follow-up text message last night:

"5 hours at the hospital yesterday, a tetnus shot, minor finger surgery, then back to the office at 9 pm with a numb finger. Regurgitate that biyatch!"

Well played, Chosen!

*By the way, Chosen just read his post and was dismayed that I didn't mention he just got accepted into Harvard's MBA program. Well, he did. Go Chosen. In his own words: "Btw...just got into Harvard yesterday! Go me. I am so smart" Then he asked me to guess what movie his quote was from.

Roommate on his best behavior: My roommate contacted me shortly after I wrote yesterday's post and asked me if I was plannig to move out. I told him the deal and he broke down saying the reason he hasn't been talking to me is because he's seriously depressed about his job situation; that he's broke and 30 and can't seem to get a job. Now call me a wimp, but I felt bad. Especially because I posted the 8 or 9 different career paths he mentioned. Needless to say, I'll probably be staying in my apartment.

Greetings from my SuperStalker: Now, it might seem a little odd that I've developed a friendly relationship with my SuperStalker, but trust me, what they say about keeping your friends close and your enemies closer, is pretty right on. Thusly:

"Sorry about my lack of communication. I know we had agreed on a SLA (Stalking Level Agreement), and I have not been meeting it lately. I've been too busy being creepy in real life, to take my efforts online."

My Glamorous Job: One of my new pen pals told me that my job sounds glamorous. I hope I have not given anyone else that completely misconstrued idea. My job is so not glamorous.

Today in Cesar: Cesar should be getting a couple of job offers today. Neither of those will be glamorous either. However, he will now have less time to criticize my blog. Jerk.

Ex-Boyfriend's New Girlfriend: I promised you all the other day that I would return for comment on the fact that my ex, M, is dating a girl who has vision problems. This was part of Cesar's big campaign for me to "spice up the ol' blog [because it's getting boring]." However, the situation does not interest me enough to respond by saying rude things about how the only way he could get this new chick is if she can't see him. Plus, that would just be wrong.

Alright. That's all from me. Oh yeah, comments will be left open from now on, so feel free to, ummm, comment.


Chosen said...

She sounds like a typical blogger...misrepresenting the facts.

The full quote was "I am so smart! I am so smart! S M R T...I mean S M A R T" Very clearly a Homer Simpson reference.

Stevel Knievel said...

thank god you turned on the comments function again. i was dying over here on the west coast. don't ever turn that shit off again. you hear me?

Gigi said...

Ahhh - if it isn't Mr. Knievel. Welcome, darling. Welcome!

Morris said...

Glad to see you are allowing free speech into your dictatorship!