Thursday, March 23, 2006

Greetings from Grenada, Death to Gilmore Yeats and a SuperStalker Funeral Update.

Since I'm stuck in meetings all this week, I must hash out some more trusty emails from my archives.

Trust me though—this isn't some haphazardly-organized crap collage. Rather, it's a very rigid, *themed* crap collage. That's right, the theme is Death. But, I'm not talkin' death in a goth way. More like death in a rebirth sort of way. Symbolic. Kinda like Jesus rising from the dead, only not nearly as deep. That said...

In the first scene, we encounter Cesar and his girlfriend, Candie. Candie is about to embark upon the dissection of a dead body for one of her med school classes in Grenada (it's a country, evidently). The following scene finds us with bigmammajamma, a fellow commentator for The Bastardly, who similarly dispises Mr. Yeats and wishes him dead. Finally, we hear from my SuperStalker who writes from the toilet in his hotel roomit being his temporary lodging while attending an out-of-state funeral.

Scene 1

Cesar: "We went out to dinner last night. There isn't much in the way of restaurants, but the food was good, spicy. We're going to have some wine after Candie gets back from playing with dead bodies today."

Candie: "Hey GiGi. It's Candie now. It is so fun to play with dead bodies. They are the delight of the day and night. Actually, I got to look at dead mens' peepees today... aaah the joys of dead men... I don't think that I am going to let [Cesar] come back to NY. He is too cute for that place. Have a great day GiGi."

Scene 2

"So, I saw the little interaction between you and Gilmore on the bastardly comments of the bastardly lady of the day. Wow, I've already said bastardly 2 times. Make that 3. Anyway, don't sweat his comments. Gilmore is a sad specimen of a human being who usually spends his time making horribly nasty comments about whoever happens to be under fire. However, he usually confines his comments to being a disgustingly bigoted racist asshole.

"All of his posts include his lovely racist diatribe. I'm just trying to show you how he is a completely vile human being. I usually call him out on what a piece of shit he is. The Lena post is, most likely, the only instance in which I agreed with him. You know, about the girl seeming like she was super impressed with the fact that she was smoking weed. Anyway, hopefully, looking at these other posts will give you more fodder for making fun of him on your blog. By the way, I started reading your blog last week after I saw a link for it on the bastardly and I think you are hysterical. I love your new line about the strap-on balls. Classic. I'll have to use it on my husband sometime. Additionally, I think you're pretty and that the people that commented yesterday were just being assholes. Oh, if you do decide to look up Gilmore Yeats' lovely comments, I post as badmammajamma. Keep up the good work on your blog and don't worry about the shitheads!!"

Scene 3

"Your blog is still very dear to me, and although bitchy, I think I like your style of bitchiness. If it were possible, I would never leave my room. It is so much safer, then having to deal with the outside world which is full of strange people...

"Funerals are funerals, glad you have avoided going to one. Most of its just small talk around a dead body with the undertone of trying to compare oneself to another to see whose life is less crappy! The only good thing is the car ride which gave me time to think up 4 new Mass Questions to send out to people. So far I've been hitting up the religious blog rolls, but have been getting back scriptures as responses when I ask for advice on my "lesbian" relationship. Go figure. Expect one of the Q's to be posted next week if I can get enough responses.

"The usual is going on with me. Just work drama and sleep deprivation. Fortunately there is wifi in the hotel. Oddly enough the strongest signal in the room is while sitting on the toilet.

Some ladies are here, and I never refuse a lady in need ;)"