Now, don't get scared by the title of today's post. This doesn't necessarily mean that this is the last post of the week (although it might mean exactly that). I'm taking off for Miami with D this afternoon, so unless something wonderfully delightful happens, you might not hear from me for a couple days. Kleenex anyone? Don't be afraid to cry. A real man is strong enough that he can do so without shame, or so says Spartucus' wife in his self-titled movie. That said:
This is a phenomenon that has gone unmentioned for long enough. I must broach it before it infests humanity proper. Mexican Humor is no more than the art of being annoying just to be annoying. I first discovered it during my years working in the restaurant/bar industry and it shines through many a time when speaking to my own personal Mexican, Cesar.
Unfortunately for those who are subjected to it, Mexican humor is quite versatile and can take place in or out of the workplace. Some common examples of Mexican Humor include:
- Looking at your arm and declaring the time is "A quarter past freckle" when someone asks you the time.
- When a female steps into the walk-in fridge (this is a work-related one), one guy follows behind her, pretending to need something to, while his compadre stands outside and turns off the light. All of the kitchen staff proceed to make humping noises, then laughs when the happy couple steps out.
- When asked a question to which the answer is "no," the offender instead answers: "How 'bout soooommmmeeee .... no?"
- The Cesar delight: When he asks me if I want to get a donut and I say no, he presses the subject: "You're lying. You know you want one. You want a donut, la-la-la-la-la!" Then why would I say no? I've never been one afraid to put back some food. I just don't want one!
There are so many other examples of Mexican Humor, I just can't think of them. I will start an official new column though where I document incidences as they occur. Trust me, you will get annoyed just reading them. And that, my friends is the double-edged sword we're dealing with here. The Mexican Humor Practitioner wants you to get annoyed, for that is the fruit of his ploy. The only way to stop this is to pretend you're not annoyed, which is an almost impossible feat.
Google Search Term of the Week
I've told you before that a lot of people find my blog by typing "Fake" + "Grillz" into google. This week takes the cake though. Some scumbag from Saudi Arabia found me by typing in "Chewing" + "Penis." Chosen seems to think that this is not as bad as someone finding his site by typing "Sam Waterson" + "nude." I beg to differ.
Chad Says I Need More Traffic
For those of you who don't know Chad - he's my eyes and ears in Bahrain. Chad looks after my best interest, so when he said that I needed more traffic, by golly, I believed him. My thoughts are that if y'all link to me, the whole world will eventually be enlightened as to the more important issues of our time, such as: trash-talkin' Chinese women, Mexican Humor, NYC bars that take advantage of innocent drunk people, fake gourmet grocery stores that hire the extras from Beetlejuice, disgusting roommates and most importantly, my obsession with a man known as D. So, with a cherry on top?
New NYC Bar Updates
This week I introduced what will be a regular feature: NYC Bars that take advantage of innocent drunk people. Just to be fair, I'll report the good ones too. Here ya go:
Dos Caminos on Park between 26th & 27th: My order was a sapphire dirty martini. It was real alcohol, but it did cost $14. For a pool (where pool=about 3 oz) of top shelf gin, that's not too shabby. I'd go back.
Uva on 78th & 2nd: Same order, real alcohol, but the bartender was new. She poured the sapphire into the shaker, shaked it only slightly, then let it sit while she clamored around trying to find olives, olive juice and a martini glass. Alcohol melts ice very fast, so half of my only semi-cold martini was water. Then she tried to pull a $30 minimum for credit cards with me. This is one of D's pet peeves and it happens a lot in NYC. If you call and complain to your credit card company, evidently they will call the offending establishment and berate them. In any event, one martini + one beer =$18.85. I'd go back. The food is good and it's one of my fave dinner spots. I just hope another bartender is there next time.
I go out a lot. There will certainly be more updates soon. Perhaps a special Miami edition.
I was bitching about how depressed I get when I do the whole PMS thing and the lovely Paulina suggested Evening Primrose Oil tablets. Anyone know anything about these? I need something, damnit. If not those, than perhaps a horse tranquilizer or two will work.
It's been a while since I've heard from my super-stalker. So, if you're out there super-stalker, just let me know that you're okay. (On another note, I really despise having to beg my stalker to do his job).
Went to the Knicks game with D and some friends on Wednesday night. It was in Jersey. We didn't get there until the 3rd quarter and then we waited outside for the car for an hour after the game ended. I don't suggest anyone do this. Plus, the people in Jersey are a bit off.
Thanks to Bufflo, BlueToiletDuck, Chad, Paulina, A Concerned Fan, and Cherokee for your comments. I love, love, love getting comments.
I think that's it. I might post again later, but then again, I might not...