Friday, April 21, 2006

Week in Review

Now, don't get scared by the title of today's post. This doesn't necessarily mean that this is the last post of the week (although it might mean exactly that). I'm taking off for Miami with D this afternoon, so unless something wonderfully delightful happens, you might not hear from me for a couple days. Kleenex anyone? Don't be afraid to cry. A real man is strong enough that he can do so without shame, or so says Spartucus' wife in his self-titled movie. That said:

Mexican Humor
This is a phenomenon that has gone unmentioned for long enough. I must broach it before it infests humanity proper. Mexican Humor is no more than the art of being annoying just to be annoying. I first discovered it during my years working in the restaurant/bar industry and it shines through many a time when speaking to my own personal Mexican, Cesar.

Unfortunately for those who are subjected to it, Mexican humor is quite versatile and can take place in or out of the workplace. Some common examples of Mexican Humor include:

- Looking at your arm and declaring the time is "A quarter past freckle" when someone asks you the time.
- When a female steps into the walk-in fridge (this is a work-related one), one guy follows behind her, pretending to need something to, while his compadre stands outside and turns off the light. All of the kitchen staff proceed to make humping noises, then laughs when the happy couple steps out.
- When asked a question to which the answer is "no," the offender instead answers: "How 'bout soooommmmeeee .... no?"
- The Cesar delight: When he asks me if I want to get a donut and I say no, he presses the subject: "You're lying. You know you want one. You want a donut, la-la-la-la-la!" Then why would I say no? I've never been one afraid to put back some food. I just don't want one!

There are so many other examples of Mexican Humor, I just can't think of them. I will start an official new column though where I document incidences as they occur. Trust me, you will get annoyed just reading them. And that, my friends is the double-edged sword we're dealing with here. The Mexican Humor Practitioner wants you to get annoyed, for that is the fruit of his ploy. The only way to stop this is to pretend you're not annoyed, which is an almost impossible feat.

Google Search Term of the Week
I've told you before that a lot of people find my blog by typing "Fake" + "Grillz" into google. This week takes the cake though. Some scumbag from Saudi Arabia found me by typing in "Chewing" + "Penis." Chosen seems to think that this is not as bad as someone finding his site by typing "Sam Waterson" + "nude." I beg to differ.

Chad Says I Need More Traffic
For those of you who don't know Chad - he's my eyes and ears in Bahrain. Chad looks after my best interest, so when he said that I needed more traffic, by golly, I believed him. My thoughts are that if y'all link to me, the whole world will eventually be enlightened as to the more important issues of our time, such as: trash-talkin' Chinese women, Mexican Humor, NYC bars that take advantage of innocent drunk people, fake gourmet grocery stores that hire the extras from Beetlejuice, disgusting roommates and most importantly, my obsession with a man known as D. So, with a cherry on top?

New NYC Bar Updates
This week I introduced what will be a regular feature: NYC Bars that take advantage of innocent drunk people. Just to be fair, I'll report the good ones too. Here ya go:

Dos Caminos on Park between 26th & 27th: My order was a sapphire dirty martini. It was real alcohol, but it did cost $14. For a pool (where pool=about 3 oz) of top shelf gin, that's not too shabby. I'd go back.

Uva on 78th & 2nd: Same order, real alcohol, but the bartender was new. She poured the sapphire into the shaker, shaked it only slightly, then let it sit while she clamored around trying to find olives, olive juice and a martini glass. Alcohol melts ice very fast, so half of my only semi-cold martini was water. Then she tried to pull a $30 minimum for credit cards with me. This is one of D's pet peeves and it happens a lot in NYC. If you call and complain to your credit card company, evidently they will call the offending establishment and berate them. In any event, one martini + one beer =$18.85. I'd go back. The food is good and it's one of my fave dinner spots. I just hope another bartender is there next time.

I go out a lot. There will certainly be more updates soon. Perhaps a special Miami edition.

Primrose Oil
I was bitching about how depressed I get when I do the whole PMS thing and the lovely Paulina suggested Evening Primrose Oil tablets. Anyone know anything about these? I need something, damnit. If not those, than perhaps a horse tranquilizer or two will work.

It's been a while since I've heard from my super-stalker. So, if you're out there super-stalker, just let me know that you're okay. (On another note, I really despise having to beg my stalker to do his job).

Knicks game
Went to the Knicks game with D and some friends on Wednesday night. It was in Jersey. We didn't get there until the 3rd quarter and then we waited outside for the car for an hour after the game ended. I don't suggest anyone do this. Plus, the people in Jersey are a bit off.

Thanks to Bufflo, BlueToiletDuck, Chad, Paulina, A Concerned Fan, and Cherokee for your comments. I love, love, love getting comments.

I think that's it. I might post again later, but then again, I might not...


Chad said...

You are the cutest self centered blogger ever! (females have it sooo easy!)
I just can't stop reading despite your blatent infractions in blogo-gay edicate.

...When it's said that you must link around to draw more traffic, one is not suggesting that you link "around" to yourself.

Link around! You shall find more traffic, of which they can enjoy your homur like the rest of us.

...And Jersey sucks, despite the fact that gas is some 20 cents cheaper there. Go figure.

Paulina said...

Hey, I think evening primrose is a very British thing. It is good for your skin as well. Go to and search for "evening primrose oil tablets 1000mg" or whatever. Alternatively I can send you a bottle by post.

Sex certainly helps. Since we are both doomed to long-distance relationships, I suggest you get a vibrator.

Have a fabulous time in Miami nonetheless!

Tamlin said...

Love your blog.
All the way from the Land of Oz - and no we don't use Kangaroos as our main form of transport.. ;P

I have to say, it sounds damn expensive to drink in NYC. shite.. 30$ for 2 drinks.. hmmmbud.

Oh.. btw - Evening primrose oil.. did nothing for me.. it just makes one extra greasy. ewww. Best thing I can think of is cutting out caffine, grog (god noooo) and other preservative enriched foods and doing the healthy hippy raw food diet thing...

Cherokee said...

You're welcome GiGi. Chad turned me onto your blogs, cause I read his. I have to say, I enjoy them. Keep it up... I have no life of my own, so I must survive off of those of others.

A Concerned Fan said...

UVA is amazing. Great wine. GREAT wine. but that's not the best part. Federica. She's why the Lord invented eyes. Not to view Sam Waterston from Law and Order

bufflo said...

Hmm I wonder if the bartender Gigi's dissed was in fact Federica. That would be funny. She's probably better at pouring wine than mixing drinks.

Chewing penis? Maybe it was actually a women trying to find PMS advice. I hear the old green dragon really helps...

This is a good representation of each place depicted, especially in relation to each other, Jersey included.

Gigi said...

Ha ha. If in order to be Federica the bartender was required to be hot, the bartender was not Federica.

That was very poetic.