Thursday, April 06, 2006

Dots & Crunchberries for the faint of heart

I should tell you about the mystery of the green & yellow Dots.

Someone brought in a box of those Dot gummy candies to work the other day, and like anyone else with a sensible and refined pallet, I dug through the sticky mess to seperate the unsavory greens and yellows from the scrumptious reds and oranges. Then it occured to me, like it has many a time before this, that the company would be better off ditching the Simple Green-flavored imposters in favor of providing a box of reds and oranges. I remember when Captain Crunch cereal made such a move, getting rid of the yellow rectangular pieces and producing a cereal that was purely crunchberries. Pure genius! I mean really, who has time to cut through the shit? And when you really think about it, people are only getting half a box of edible candy/cereal. I say, give the people what they want!

So, after eating a handful of the reds and oranges, I went back for a second helping. There before me, was the evidence of a freak phenomenon: the greens and yellows were all gone! Could it be that someone actually likes them? No way. 'Ha,' I thought. 'Someone probably couldn't take the pain anymore, so they took matters into their own hands and threw the greens and yellows away! What a gem!'

I checked the trashcan. Alas, it wasn't true. Someone actually ate them. Could it be? I guess so. Maybe that explains why Captain Crunch discontinued their all-Crunchberry cereal. I should've known: most people do not lie where I do on the pallet bellcurve (far right, in case you were wondering).


bufflo said...

Most people do like variety and chance/surprises. Jelly Belly is a great example. Sure, there's the occasional ASS flavored bean, but only a boring person would buy a whole bag of only one flavor, especially if it's a gift. Or maybe you would? "Here, 5 pounds of Jelly Belly beans... all roasted garlic flavor!"

Gigi said...

So we meet again, dear bufflo.

Call me boring if you will, but I would buy dots of two flavors: orange and red (contrary to popular belief, those are flavors not colors). Swedish Fish was right on to produce a perfect candy and not disrupt its yumminess with boring flavors that distract pleased consumers.

Why bother paying for the ones I won't eat? They should make these boxes available for us boring people, or they should replace green and yellow with watermelon and punch. You know: Get rid of the yuck.

Jelly Belly indeed makes some funk-flavored beans. I'll have to agree with you there.

bufflo said...

LOL! No, I'm not calling you boring, dear gigi. Conservative, a Nazi perhaps, but not boring. It's funny that you should mention Swedish Fish. The most common color is indeed red, but they make them in other colors as well. They all taste pretty similar though, I think.

Also interesting, I don't think many Swedes know about Swedish Fish, since they're just called Fish here, and people buy them in mixed bags with licorice (the unsavory horror!) and other flavors. If you're that into gummy candies, I should bring you some the next time I go to the US, as Sweden is really on the forefront of gelatin based goods. Maybe you could send me some Ghirardelli blueberry chocolate in the meantime, that stuff is to die for!

Gigi said...

Really? Swedish Fish in new yummy flavors? This is indeed breaking news!

I will definitely trade you for blueberry Ghirardelli (didn't know that existed - interesting).

I'm not a huge gummy candy fan, just a fan of free candy in general. Alright darlin', meet me at my email for shipping instructions. Show me the Fish!

Chad said...

I put much effort into avoiding the Red colored dots. Yellow and Green are by far the supperior. ...Orange being a close runner up.

Gigi said...


You are clearly playing Devil's Advocate with me...

Say it ain't so!

Chad said...

The red taste like pasty food coloring... like those edible metalic cake decorations. Ick.

The yellows reach toward refreshing lemon... brisk. Delightful.

...or it could all be one big mind trick. They actually taste the same and we are hung up on the color of it.

TRUTH said...

You are a boring loser and you get fat as you age badly.

Cut the shit, obviously someone likes the colors that you do not. Take the crunch berry example, sure they made a cereal out of pure berries BUT they also made the peanut butter crunch cereal with NO crunch berries. I prefer the peanut butter crunch to having ANY crunch berries.

You are a fascist.

Show some love for the lime jellies.

Gigi said...

Truth -

You make a good point - one that I already made, in fact. Good work.

By the way, how's Phoenix treating you? I imagine not too well, considering you have nothing better to do than read blogs you deem boring.

LUCAS.. (formerly, Truth) said...

Phoenix is great, except that I am trapped in this habit I cant seem to break called "a job." It is depressing really, I am staring out my window right now from my little cubicle and as Bob would say "the sun is shining, the weather is sweet." To answer your other question, you are correct, I have nothing to do but read blogs that I deem boring. Except the work that I should be doing.

I will never be happy...

...Until I leave work, smoke an L, and drink myself to sleep.

bufflo said...

Hey, fuck work, check this out (from an email I sent to a friend of mine earlier today):

So it's tax-filing time here. Since we have the highest taxes in the world they've come pretty far in making it easier to pay them (ie. they give you a free bottle of lube). You still get a 30 page information booklet in the mail though. Apparently 43.5% goes into the welfare system, and that's not counting education (14%) and health care (12.9%). The defense department gets 3.6%, so it's kind of like the U.S., but the other way around. And 74% think it's okay to pay it! I'm against it of course, even though it's funding my drinking habits.

Anyway, they make it easy for you, if everything looks good you can file it with an SMS! And this year it looked good, I'm getting $100 back, and I haven't worked a day since I got back here! I guess it must be because I owe the government money (student loans, some of which I legally don't ever have to pay back) -- but I haven't made a single payment yet! I gotta run to the liquor store now... this calls for a celebration!

LUCAS said...

I got $3,200 back. I really like tax season. Pick me up some mad dog 2020 from the liquor store, I need to puke. Wow thats a lot to welfare. It amazes me that most of the morons that are on welfare actually made it through all the hoops the feds make you jump through. Its like they cant fill out a job application and work at McDonalds but they can answer a 10,000 page inquisition correctly and timely in order to get free money.

I applied for welfare once, I was denied. Apparently you have to be a single mother or have a mental disorder to qualify. Although i believe that I would qualify for the latter, I just have not yet been properly diagnosed. I bet that someone with a good grasp of the DSM could get me acquitted of genocide of an african population.

mMm Maddog. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT drink the purple flavor.

bufflo said...

New ancient proverb: When you fall asleep drunk alone, you always wake up with a pile of dirty dishes.