Someone brought in a box of those Dot gummy candies to work the other day, and like anyone else with a sensible and refined pallet, I dug through the sticky mess to seperate the unsavory greens and yellows from the scrumptious reds and oranges. Then it occured to me, like it has many a time before this, that the company would be better off ditching the Simple Green-flavored imposters in favor of providing a box of reds and oranges. I remember when Captain Crunch cereal made such a move, getting rid of the yellow rectangular pieces and producing a cereal that was purely crunchberries. Pure genius! I mean really, who has time to cut through the shit? And when you really think about it, people are only getting half a box of edible candy/cereal. I say, give the people what they want!
So, after eating a handful of the reds and oranges, I went back for a second helping. There before me, was the evidence of a freak phenomenon: the greens and yellows were all gone! Could it be that someone actually likes them? No way. 'Ha,' I thought. 'Someone probably couldn't take the pain anymore, so they took matters into their own hands and threw the greens and yellows away! What a gem!'
I checked the trashcan. Alas, it wasn't true. Someone actually ate them. Could it be? I guess so. Maybe that explains why Captain Crunch discontinued their all-Crunchberry cereal. I should've known: most people do not lie where I do on the pallet bellcurve (far right, in case you were wondering).