Thursday, April 13, 2006

There's a Great Big World Out There!

Now that my computer is effectively broken, I've been forced to venture beyond my trusty desk and chair and see what else this world has to offer.

This is what I've replaced the time I would have spent playing around on the internet with (Read: This is what I've discovered!):

1) Making my bed before work. Usually I just leave it a mess, but with all this free time, I thought, "What the hell?" The feeling of productivity that took over me after completing this daunting task was overwhelming, to say the very least.

2) Spending a little extra time at the Gym. Usually I have a good excuse for getting off of the treadmill at 20 or 30 minutes ("Maybe I have some fun emails!"). Now, I have no reason to get off until I hit 40 grueling minutes of intense workout fervor. I'll probably have to call in and change my bikini order if I keep up this routine: "Umm yeah, remember how I called in the other day and ordered a Size Whale bikini? Can we, like, change that to a Size Pregnant Seal? That'd be great..."

3) Talking to my roommate. Usually I can just bury my face in my laptop and ignore him as he huffs around like a stuffed-up hyena (I'm really into animal analogies today, evidently). Now I have to ask him questions about his day, his job search, "Are you excited to go home for Easter?" All of which, I guarantee I would die happy having not known.

4) Exploring the city in which I live. God forbid I should actually explore New York City a little bit. I haven't even been to Ground Zero. I've avoided the Empire State Building like the plague, passed by the Rockefeller Center once while drunk and have only seen the Statue of Liberty in pictures. Long Island? Hell, it may as well be another country.

5) Call friends and family. Seeing as how I hate the phone, email and IM are my saviors. Now that I don't have those luxuries at home, I actually have to pick up the phone and dial. Perish the day!


6) Think of stuff to do when I get a new computer. Evidently when I do have a computer, I don't maximize its great potential to work for me. I've already pitched a few article ideas (from work—because why would I actually do work while I'm at work? I really don't have a good answer either) and received positive responses from editors. You see, I'm usually so mesmerized by other people's stuff, that I foget what a damn genius I am!

7) Think about the Future. When I have my computer, it causes me to focus on what's happening in the "now." I've recently realized that I've left no time to daydream and pontificate about what will happen in the future. As it turns out, my future's going to be marvelous; full of money, fancy parties and adoring men. Who would've known? And, anyway, as that one quote goes, it's good to focus on the future—definitely not the present. Err, wait...

Well, I was going to try to list 10 things that have changed since my recent loss, but there is just so much exploring to do, I don't think I'm going to make it....

Sigh. Someone lend me a Gawker I.V. to plug into my veins... I can't take this much longer!


4 comments:

A Concerned Fan said...

Gawker is for pussies.

Gigi said...

He who sucketh upon the teet of Gawker, shalln't poseth as though he doth not sucketh...

A Concerned Fan said...

Mmmmm teet.

bluetoiletduck said...

1 why the fuck was i forced to do this shit when i was young? i dont EVER do it now, and, i think the ONLY time my bed is made is when my OCD ex girlfriend used to make it...i dont even make when i change my sheets, i just put the sheets on, u know, with the stretchy around the side parts, and just throw the rest of teh clean shit on top.

2 uh...yeah, i think i could prolly do that...but i find taking excesive diet drugs works MUCH better...plus you get teh benifits of ALWAYS having a headache since there is SO MUCH appitite supressent in the total sum, that u NEVER eat, AND a fun upped heart rate!!! last night at work, after just ringing up assholes shopping last minute for easter it was 141 BPM!!! SWEET

3 thankfully...no roommate

4 can i just say...Long Island is a different UNIVERSE...do yourself a favor, dont launch no probes this way, cause you will be dissapointed and VERY hateful by what you find...TRUST ME....PS as for NYC...best place to see/hear a musical act...Mercury Lounge on E. Houston....pretty much where Ave A ends and Essex Begins, directly across from "Nice Guy Eddies" bar....if its still called that....

5 CALL?!?! are you nuts? Text Message MoFo!!!

6 get a notebook and start writing down fun shit to do so when u get it you arent pissed trying to rememeber what you wanted to checkout...checking out and promoting the new band Jacknifed Sugar Truck is really a fun idea....

7 did u read #2? my future is cut in half...if my BPM is 141 and anormal persons is 70..does that mean ill live HALF as much as the normal human? 2-1 i die at 36...SWEET

wow i am a boring, pretentious asshole arent i?