My Inner Socio-Religious Conflict

The Puerto Rican bought these gold Puma running socks the other day. The Parisian wanted nothing to do with them.

Like my grandma said, those of us mutts who are composed of a trillion different cultural backgrounds should be grateful that we have such a rich DNA history contributing to our creative stew. What she forgot to mention, though, is that sometimes our opposing cultures and religions get into fights and start arguing with one another when we least expect it.

Case in point:

My inner Puerto Rican is drawn to all things shiny, tacky or gaudy. When the term “bling” was coined, the Puerto Rican rejoiced. She did a few salsa steps and a dip; not to mention responded positively to some degrading catcalls. The Parisian inside me, of course, is a couture clothes horse who can not stand the informality of trends. She’s somewhat of a bitch too, so I wasn’t surprised when the Parisian and the Rican started dueling it out. Then there’s the Mormon, who gets pissed at everyone for cussing and disrespecting this body, which is to be viewed as nothing less than a temple. My inner Jew scoffs at the Mormon, who often says that, out of all religions, Judaism is most similar to the Mormon one. The Jew strikes back, “Oh yeah, something about us being one of your ‘ten lost tribes’ or something, right?” Meanwhile, my inner German Nazi can not stand to hear my Jew being so arrogant and having a self-righteous opinion, so it kidnaps my inner Jew and puts it in a concentration camp.

So, who wins? I guess it’s a fight between the Puerto Rican, the Parisian and the German. The Jew is detained and the Mormon has been stifled. The result is one bloody mess that I like to refer to as my inner agnostic American.