Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Indian Man-Stealer (Similar to the Venus Fly Trap, Only Not as Attractive)

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For months now I've been hearing about this man-stealing vixen that works with a friend of mine (let's call my friend "Roxy," which fortunately for her, is not her name). Every guy Roxy likes, The Man-Stealer likes. When a guy is talking to Roxy, The Man-Stealer has to move in and talk to the guy. When Roxy is out of town, evidently her prospects are fair game to The Man-Stealer.

The Man-Stealer thinks she is one hot piece of ass. This was made known when The Man-Stealer told Roxy that she was working on a project with Roxy's current crush. The Man-Stealer assured Roxy not to worry though, "I won't wear make-up and I won't talk to him." Translation: "He will have no choice but to fall hopelessly in love with me if I even look in his direction." Evidently, Medusa's got nothing on this bitch.

Another example was when, at a party, a guy was talking to Roxy the entire night. The Man-Stealer and Roxy ended up in the bathroom at the same time. It was there that The Man-Stealer offered Roxy amnesty: "Just let me know if you want me to step back from him and I will." Roxy was confused. He hadn't said a word to The Man-Stealer all night. Roxy, being a little too polite for my liking, told her it was no big deal...but that's only because she thought she had the guy in the bag. The Man-Stealer, staying loyal to her name, moved right on in and snatched the guy up for the rest of the night.

Anyway, Roxy is in a bind because she really likes The Man-Stealer, but can't handle her self-titled ways. Roxy has somewhat submitted to the fact that The Man-Stealer is the way she is and that's just how it goes. Even worse, Roxy describes the Man-Stealer as this exotic Indian siren from the far reaches of Bombay. Once a man looks at her, she lures him into her lair and he has no chance of escaping her capture. Even I was entranced by the vision I had created in my head. I was picturing a scene out of Bollywood. Guys are singing her praise whilst dancing under waterfalls and crawling down at her feet:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

So, you can only imagine my delight when I met The Man-Stealer this weekend and she looked more like this:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
I shit you not (because really, I wouldn't do that to you). This chick was heinous. After receiving confirmation of this fact from two males - The Skeeze and Chosen - we decided to stage somewhat of an intervention right then and there:
"I wouldn't do her with his _ _ _ _" stated Chosen. (Sorry, I can't write it out. As you know, this is a family site.)
"Face to the pillow, bitch" agreed The Skeeze.

But Roxy wouldn't budge. "You're not going to convince me that she's not cute. She doesn't have make-up on and her dress isn't flattering."

"Her face isn't very flattering either," I chimed in.

Not that I have any problems with unattractive members of the human race, but when anyone is stealing my friends' men, it's inevitably war. All the previous vows I made to my grandmother regarding the usage of the word "ugly" are considered null and void.*

We concluded our little intervention by letting Roxy know that she and any of these guys that found her appealing had definitely partook of The Man-Stealer's punch. Us on the other hand? We puked it out.

Roxy continues to live in denial with her dog.

*My grandma always taught me not to call people "ugly" because this is not something they can control. I've always abided by this rule and think it's a great one, but like I said, when it comes to crossing the boundaries with a friend's man, it's so game time.


team gingerbread said...

Maybe the guys can just smell that she's a cheap whore?

Most of my guy frineds a pretty good at picking out the skanky girls from miles away

Amanda Waas said...

Hi, I'm officially obsessed with your blog.

Gigi said...

Hello everyone, I would like to draw your attention to the above comment (Amanda's).

From here on out, this will be the official template for commenting.

Thank you.

(And to Team Gingerbread, yes, this girl is most def a cheap whore - and a cokehead, but you didn't hear it from me. I'm surprised our poor Roxy can't see it. Next time though, start your comment off with "Hi, I'm officially obsessed with your blog," Then you can continue as planned...)

Just kidding, but not really. Ha.

A Concerned Fan said...

Hi, I'm officially obsessed with Jennifer Love Hewitt. Oops, wrong beginning.

The only reason Man-Stealer (MS)keeps getting Roxy's guys is because men have this problem turning down women who refer to their "hoo-hoo" as a "well-traveled breezeway". Sadly, if MS is a huge slut, which she is, she will nab the men. We are a sad species.

So sayeth Chosen

Slinky Redfoot said...

you said it, concerned. we are weak in the eyes of a hungry hungry 'ho, no matter how freaky or disguisting they are.

Gigi said...


I think you meant to say, "Hi, I'm officially obsessed with your blog...You said it, concerned. we are weak in the eyes of a hungry hungry 'ho, no matter how freaky or disguisting they are."

Just a friendly reminder.

Slinky Redfoot said...

Gix2, it goes w/out saying that I'm officially obsessed with any woman who turns their back on me!

Gigi said...

You make a great point, Slinketh.

I love my new nickname, by the way.
Gix2 has a nice ring to it!

Slinky Redfoot said...

for some reason your name makes me think you are small and cute, like a Gremlin (one of the nice ones, of course!)

Gigi said...

Oh, I am, baby!

Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

Slinky Redfoot said...

too late G - the MS snagged me and we're dry humping in the janitor's closet!

Gigi said...

I really hate that bitch.

T. said...

I think team gingerbread nailed it. When guys gets easy booty it's like Christmas in July. They never see it coming and can't resist it.