Monday, August 14, 2006

Bra Burning!

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A Little Background.
Yesterday I liberated myself not from the oppression that is being a woman living in a man's world (because, after all, I'm a woman striving therein, i.e. I can take you), but rather, the oppression that results from a sportsbra that no longer offers me the support I need. Maybe I should rephrase that: A sportsbra that only provided one breast the support it needed, while leaving the other to flop around whimsically for all passerby to enjoy.

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I tried.
There are a lot of names one could call me ('snotty,' 'conceited,' 'arrogant,' 'sexy,' 'humble?'), but 'disloyal' is not one of them. I've had the above sportsbra since 2001. Between this one and another one that I stole from a roommate who I didn't like, I've taken this bra with me to every treadmill, every track and every running-on-the-beach expedition that I've since attended. I've washed it regularly and stood up for it when people called it 'ugly.' But alas, the bra did not do the same favors for me. While I put my faith in it, it talked back to me and mocked me publicly like a vindictive god with some major chip on his shoulder.

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Intervention ignored.
As with any long-term relationship, it was hard to let go. Friends and family had been telling me to get out of this particular dead-end since 2003. I held out until this year, 2006. It all started when I found myself walking around Manhattan with one boob flopping around, unsupported, while the other sat there and laughed. At that point, I gave my sportsbra an ultimatum: All or nothing. I'd always heard that if it came to this point, it probably wouldn't work out anyhow. That was indeed the case. About a month ago, I was at a store admiring a replacement. I even went as far as to place it on the counter for purchase. But, at the very last moment, something inside me hesitated. It wasn't right.

The straw that broke this camel's back.
A month later (Saturday to be exact), I looked at my profile in the mirror only to notice that, holy shit, my boobs look like flapjacks! This is not healthy! A good bra wouldn't let it come to this. I decided I was going to finish what I had started. And not only was I going to replace the bastard, I was going to buy back-up.

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Dinner for two...

Looking back...
I love the feeling you get a few months beyond having broken up with a non-attentive lover. At this point, you have endured the majority of the pain, catered to the unhealthy images of your lover with another and reconfigured your life so that it doesn't include the once-significant other. After not just a little pain, you wake up one morning and think, "What the hell did I ever see in that jerk?" And, not to be discounted, "If I never would have ended it with X, I never would have met Y."
After all, that's what bra burning has always stood for, right? Liberation from the oppression that is X, in pursuit of gaining Y.

Only, in my case, X is a pair of flapjack boobs and Y is the resurgence of my old perky ones.


Paulina said...

Good riddance!

Personally I never understand the appeal of sportsbra; stick with La Perla even in the gym. For while the former provides the support of a hunky but gay personal trainer, the latter symbolises the security from the patron who pays for one's gym membership.

Amish said...

The fact that this post is related to boobs has made my Monday so much better.

Gigi said...

Yayy, boobies!

(Nice pic, by the way, Ms. Paulina-sexy!)

Slinky Redfoot said...

between you and copyranter, i'd have to say boobs are in the stars this week.