Wednesday, August 30, 2006

By Golly, I’m a Conservative!

Okay, ‘tis not true, but check out the mounting evidence:

The Starbucks Situation

People love to hate Starbucks. Why is this? Is it because Starbucks puts the little ma and pa shops out of business? If so, let’s review: The ma and pa shops provide jobs only to one or two people—sometimes three. Starbucks, on the other hand, supplies jobs to thousands. If the ma and pa shops want to stay in business, they need to get competitive. That’s how it works in a capitalist society. If you don’t like it, move to Sweden.

If you hate Starbucks because their coffee sucks, that’s a totally different situation with a simple resolution: Don’t buy it.

Is there something that I’m missing? Do they promote slave labor? Are they not contributing to society? I don’t get it. Please fill me in.

Claiming that 9 to 5 Jobs are for Boring Corporate Robots.

Yeah, some are, but this claim is so 1998. It's usually the claim of artists who are working night jobs while pursuing their creative dreams. Why can’t people pursue the same dreams while working 9 – 5 jobs? Is that not campy enough? Does that diminish street cred? Hmmm.

I’ve been on both sides and, quite frankly, you’re taking it in the ass either way. There are way too many variables here—all of which work to make this an empty statement. Furthermore, people who make this claim are trying to compensate for something they’re lacking. If you’re talented and motivated, you’ll make it. If you’re not, you won’t.

People Blaming McDonalds for the “Obesity Epidemic”

This one is ridiculous. It’s no secret that McDonalds food isn’t good for you. If you eat it every day, you’re going to get fat. Period.

“Advertisers Responsible for Rise of Consumerism”

No, “Consumers Responsible for Rise of Consumerism.”

“George Bush sounded like a complete jackass in his recent interview, which aired this morning on The Today Show.”

Boy, did he ever…

(Watch the clip here: 8 painful minutes of stupidity.)


Anonymous said...

Starbucks resorts to dirty tricks to kill off the Ma and Pa shop competition by bringing frivolous lawsuits such as a shop having "Star" or "Buck" in the name or using terms like "triple latte" in their menu when Starbucks happens to decide to run a special on a drink with the same common name or starts calling it a signature item.

The Ma and Pa shops can afford to compete fairly until the Starbucks lawyers lay into them, causing most to go broke with lawyer fees even though they could win on merits.

Starbucks has successfully sued Ma and Pa shops out of the business in both the US and Canada for years now.

Chris said...

Lately I've been feeling more conservative, too. I am so ashamed.

Gigi said...

Interesting. Thanks for the insight.

Why would a shop steal the name "Triple Latte"? Seems unfair.

Otherwise, pretty gross on Starbucks' end. Now, if Starbucks offers the shops fair warning ahead of time and the ma & pa shops still refrain from changing their drink names, then they are to blame for their stupidity.

The context is important.

Ben said...

I missed the today show...I'll have to see if i can dig up a transcript.

As for starbucks, I like them because they are bound by corporate culture to be environmentally friendly. Their coffee does indeed suck, though, and I rarely am willing to pony up $4 for it. In the words of Dennis Leary,

"The same assholes complaining about paying $3 a gallon for gasoline pay $87.50 a gallon for mochachinos..."

Gigi said...

Here's the clip of the Bush interview, Ben:

It's 8 whole minutes of stupidity.

I'm going to attach it to the post as well. Good thinkin'

T. said...

I'm sorry, but I'm growing to hate mom and pop coffee stores. Yup, I said it. I used to buy into all that stuff, I'd buy at the local Brooklyn or LES or Village record store over the big chain, I'd go for the mom-and-pop coffee stoes, etc. and too often the people working in them are snotty, pretentious dicks. They act way elitist if you don't have the bohemian look and they totally pass judgment on what you purchase (like Kim's Video).

You'd think because of the fact they charge more they'd try to compensate by giving you a nicer experience, but they rarely do.

You'll be conservative soon. You sound dangerously close to where I was before I "turned." I lend you a book or two and I think we'll have you on the dark side Anakin. Moo-hoo-hah-hah.

bufflo said...

It's a well known pseudo-fact that Kenny G owns a shitload of stocks in Starbucks. Need I say more? No.

copyranter said...

agree with your anon commenter. Starbucks is absolutely ruthless about killing any and every small coffee shop.