Wednesday, August 16, 2006

My Asian Tailor Tries to Rat Me Out...

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...Thus resurrecting my theory that "Asian Women Talk a Lot of Trash.*"

I’ll give you this disclaimer: I really love my Asian tailor. Sharon is the cutest thing ever and not only that, she now makes me pants. Yep, you heard it here first; I have my pants especially made for me. Ever since the crotch of my favorite pants ripped, I’ve been buying material and taking it to Sharon, who has decoded the pattern for mass duplication. Now I can have my pants in any material I want. For a minute there, I actually thought that Sharon was an exception to the "Asian women talking a lot of trash" rule. Apparently this is not the case.

Sharon’s shop is right downstairs from my apartment, so she sees me walking by frequently with The Skeeze. One day we went in to her shop together and she gave me a “shame on you” look, as if she knew what I was up to. As far as I could tell, she thought The Skeeze and I were a couple who lived together out of wedlock. Sometimes, when we go into her shop to pick up laundry together, she giggles like a schoolgirl. She seems embarrassed for us. I don’t feel the need to explain to her that we are only friends. All she needs to know is how to make my pants hug my ass and thighs. And this she knows well, so we're good.

Well, last weekend D was in town. As we walked out of my apartment I saw Sharon glaring at us out of her window. She had a look of surprise on her face. Could it be? I was a two-timer who was cheating on The Skeeze? I could see the hamster in her mind sprinting around in its wheel, but I ignored it.

Last night, when The Skeeze went to pick up his laundry, Sharon broke the news subtly to him:

Sharon: Oh, Gigi came in with boy the other day. Did you know about this?

The Skeeze is nicer than me. He simply laughed and told her the situation.

I decided it would have been a lot funnier if he had pretended he was really pissed and simultaneously ran out of the store. A few minutes later, I would march downstairs with fake blood and slobber on my face, crying and yelling at Sharon that it was all her fault that The Skeeze and I had not only broken up, but gotten into a glass-breaking brawl. If I was feeling really creative, I would black out some of my teeth while at it.

That would show her not to open her little Trash-talkin’ Asian mouth again. Hee. Hee.

Incidentally, I told D the story and even he was a little pissed. "What if you really were cheating on The Skeeze with me? That’s just not right. She could get us in trouble."

I’m sure D and I will work this scene into one of our little videos some time soon…

* On the bottom right, you can find a directory of all posts that fall into the "Asian Women Talk a Lot of Trash" genre.

1 comment:

Slinky Redfoot said...

hey is her name Mrs. Poon?