All These Years I Just Thought Grandma Was Giving Me a Compliment

Now I come to find out, she just felt sorry for me. She merely wanted to, you know, explain a few things to me before I was old enough to ask questions...

My mom's mom used to shower my sisters and I with unnecessary praise, advice and the sort. These sentiments arrived delicately packaged in sentences of this variety:

"You know, people who have a wide mixture of nationalities/religions/cultures* in their blood, are the most creative."

"Thoroughbreds are boring."

"If your mom was rich, people would call her eccentric, but since she's not, they just think she's crazy."

I think my grandma was just making up excuses, however, for the fact that her grandkids are all a bit off their rockers; screws are definitely loose in the Gigi clan. I would bet my bottom dollar, though, that emails like the following might be partially to be blame:


From: Mom
To: Gigi
Date: Jul 12, 2006 10:00 AM
Subject: Mama Zita


Hi my deliriously beautiful daughter. I am at Rachel's** and I love to send you email when I can. I love being here because I can clean and play with Mikey***. Rachel's so funny and she likes to read magazines and look at her dating website for men. She is so picky though.Out of fifty men she only found one slightly attractive.

Did you get the picture of me with Samuel Rosen? Sam had 6 brothers, one of which died when he was young. One of his brothers was named Isadore and he was a doctor. Sam' father's name was Adolph Rosen before Adolph Hitler ruined the name. After he ruined the name, Adolph, few people ever named their boys Adolph ever thereafter. You would not believe the dirt I discovered on my Gramma Nita by doing geneology. I uncovered loads and wheelbarrows filled with dirt.

Did you like the ring I sent you from Rachel's trip toFrance? Did Sara**** like her necklace? I sent interesting cross earrings to Andrea***** from Rachel. They are bizarre-looking earrings. Andrea has enough guts to wear them though. I cut Mike's hair and he looks like he just came homefrom the barber, but now his hair is growing out again.Well, I will go for now. Rachel is shooting me a birthday beaver and her new shave job is beautiful.

Love, Mom.

P.S. Rachel is french kissing Mikey.

* We are Polish, German, Spanish, Puertorican, Jewish, Mormons (who don't celebrate either religion, yet mention it if it will get us somewhere).
** My sister
*** My old cat, who my sister now has
**** My cousin
*****My other sister