Tonight is my bestfriend Lauren's bachelorette party. Conveniently for me, it's in Chicago, so I can kill the D-bird and the bachelorette party-bird with one stone.Not wanting my bestfriend's bachelorette party to be one of those cheesy penis-straw, condom-wearing affairs that I balk at on a regular basis, I thought to do something a bit sexier; a bit classier. I've never thought that a group of 8 girls needed much of a gimmick to get attention from the boys (hell, we are the gimmick), so I told Lauren to wear all white and everyone else to wear all black. I plan to top off Lauren's outfit with some sequined devil horns and a red veil, maybe write something naughty across her chest in red. My mental image is a bit like the picture above (only I can draw better in my imagination). For some reason a big sunflower will be hovering above us wherever we go.
I called Lauren last night to make sure that everything was in order. I asked her what she was wearing and she said black pants and a white shirt. My jaw locked, teeth grinded. Couldn't she just, for my sakes, wear white pants with the white shirt? Why is she going to wear black pants? I said ALL WHITE! I'm very neurotic when it comes to planning. Of course, nothing a little lamaze breathing couldn't handle. Hee-Hee-Who! Hee-Hee-Who! I reached a state of calm, rationalizing that it was fine if she wore the black pants as long as everyone else would be wearing all black. "Is everyone else wearing black?" I inquired. "Well Jen's wearing a purple top," Lauren answered.
Purple? Is that even still a color? Wasn't than banned back in '92? And if not, why not? Oh, by the way, who's Jen? Lauren told me that some of the people coming aren't on the email list I've been using to plan this thing. I've come to terms with the whole situation, deciding that our group tonight will look more like the group pictured here:
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At least the hovering sunflower and myself are consistent. But ...purple??? I don't get it. That's neither black, nor white, nor legal.
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3 comments:
What do you have against penis straws/cups/hats/candy necklaces? Kidding - I'd rather have a root canal than go to a bachelorette party.
Stumbled across your blog and laughed aloud - just what I needed on this random Friday morning.
I too am of the mindset that most bachelorette parties are horrendously tacky affairs, but a penis straw is the partying equivalent of a 'get out of jail free card'
A drunken 45 plus woman jumped out of a car (on her way home from one) and tackled my roommate's manfriend to make out with him. My roommate was also drunk and slightly peeved, so hte woman gave her a 3-pound bag of coleslaw as a consolation prize.
I've got video and I'd say we watch it at least once a week it's that funny.
Coleslaw is NEVER a consolation prize. If he got a 3 pound bag of coleslaw then he came out the true victor in that situation.
I'm sure the all black GiGi would agree.
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