Tuesday, July 18, 2006

This whole Evite thing is a little out of control.

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At once, the Evite was a sacred honor—the holiest of holy honors, which graced one's inbox in times of necessary celebration. Now it is but another piece of trash, which only plagues one's spam filters.

As of late, my friends (one, in particular) have been abusing the hell out of Evites. No discrimination. No discretion. Evidently, everything is Evite-worthy. A trip to the movies? Check. A day of shopping in SoHo? Yep. Even a walk in Central Park is now grounds for an Evite.

This is not okay. On that note, if you are doing any of the following, you are indeed a bastardizer of the once-almighty, even tantalizing, Evite:

  • Using it to invite people over to pre-party before a night out at the bars.


  • Using it more than once within a two-month time frame.


  • Using it to communicate with less than 10 people.


  • Using it for a legitimate event, yet writing it as if it were business correspondence. Ex: "Dear ____, I am having an event. Please let me know if you can attend. Thank you, ____."


  • Using it for a legitmate event and trying to be funny/witty, yet failing miserably: "Bring your own booze if you dont like margaritas or... margaritas." Ha! What a gas that Mindy is! Sigh.


  • Using it for an event that should be held in higher regard than that which the Evite is possible, i.e. a wedding. Cheap bastards.


  • Using two different Evites for one [lame] event. That is so wrong.
  • Sending constant reminders to the poor souls who are way too nice to tell you that you and these Evite things are getting on their last damn nerve. Ex: "Reminder: You haven't responded to Mindy's invitation to a night of Pin the Tail on the Fucking Donkey."


  • After having received a response to the above reminder, you send out yet another reminder. This one is to tell the poor saps who are attending your "event" only out of their deepest pity for you, that there are only 2 days left until Pin the Tail on the Fucking Donkey.


  • Naming your event, "And Yet Another One." (If the name makes you yawn, there's a pretty good chance that the "party" will too).


  • Being overly vague in order to counteract the fact that you are abusing the Evite:

    "Hi,
    Come.
    Mindy
    "


  • And lastly,

  • Threatening people who do not respond to your half-assed attempt(s) to convince them to attend what is most likely a very mediocre event: "If you haven't responded to my e-vite yet, do it now, or else!"


  • Yeah, bite me.

    So, in conclusion:

    A). Don't use the Evite in vain, and

    B). If you do use the Evite in vain, please include an "unsubscribe" option.

    Thank you for your time.

    2 comments:

    bufflo said...

    Don't worry. I just won't ever invite you! But yeah, I think you're right. I miss the days of mass flyers dropped from airplanes. Sure, it's pollution, but so is dumb people.

    A Concerned Fan said...

    I used an evite to ask my girlfriend if she wanted oral sex later that night. Is that so wrong?