I Should Be a Narrator for Biased Documentaries

Considering the movie came out two years ago, I admit I haven't exactly been chompin' at the bit to see it. In other words, last night played host to my first viewing of Super Size Me. Not that I had places to be or people to see or anything of the sort, but 5 minutes seemed an adequate amount of time to let it play.

From what I did see:

In order to lend further credit to Morgan Spurlock's case that McDonalds is the devil, his girlfriend was interviewed about his behavior and the changes she'd noted since he started eating only McDonalds for X number of days (Oh, the shock factor! The suspense! I wonder what will happen if I eat processed meat and french fries all day, everday? I know - I'll tag the corporate brand to my mission too - use their name for my gain! No pun intended! Or was it? Ha! You'll never know! I am way too clever!)


So, this is the girlfriend
Her main case was that his sex drive was decreasing [Read: His sex drive was decreasing as a result of McDonald's]. The flaw in her argument, however, is that she didn't look a thing like she does in the above picture. No, no, no... Her hair was slicked back. She wore glasses. She looked downright heinous. Repeat last sentence. It wasn't cute:


"My boyfriend won't do me. Fucking McDonalds! It's all your fault".

Oh yeah. Blame it on McDonald's. It's all McDonalds' fault. McDonald's is responsible for your (insert issue here: fatass, fatigue, laziness, ugliness, shitty personality, etc...)

This is where my narration came in:

"Are you sure the lack of sex is McDonald's fault, honey? You don't think that maybe, just maybe, his libido issues are an effect of, well, your face? You don't actually expect him to get turned on when he comes home to see, umm, you, right? Or do you? There are way too many variables that are not being accounted for in this study. Hand me the remote control, I want to see what's on E!"

I am officially available for full narration of any upcoming biased documentaries. Credible documentaries need not apply.