Monday, October 16, 2006

Talking Trash in Sign Language, Plagiarizing and Pleasant Office Etiquette

Thanks, Rodale!

I have a bit more to tell you about than the fact that I had to color in the tips of my new boots today with a Sharpie because the city streets ate them up in a day flat. This is more due to the fact that they were cheaply made (but, unfortunately, not cheaply priced), than the fact that the sidewalks here eat shoes. So yeah, I have little more to say that that. Not much more, but more nevertheless...

For one, The Skeeze and I were watching the news the other day and there was a report about some deaf/mute rioters. Unfortunately for me, I had turned my head away at the appropriate minute and missed the whole thing. The Skeeze was kind enough to demonstrate what deaf rioters look like and the kind of smack they talk. It looks (sounds?) something kind of like this:

Take that, bitches.

My weekend of doing nothing and loving it progressed in kind. When I was taking a shower, I started reading the instructions on the back of conditioner bottles as I oft do, and I realized that the application instructions were the same across the board: "Massage conditioner into hair and scalp. Rinse. Repeat as necessary." Holy shit, I thought. These companies are blatant plagiarizers! If they're all going to copy eachother anyway, I'm totally buying generic from now on.

Lastly, I spent a day at Rodale Publishing last week for one reason or another and, by golly, those people are nice! When I walked in, the doorman greeted a lady who was no less than 150 years old by calling her "young woman." She laughed in kind and then stood and held the elevator for me, knowing that I was walking not too far behind her. The others in the elevator greeted me as if we were long time friends and then told me to have a good day as they exited. I also got to take home the extra food after our meeting. For a cheap bastard like me, this is the ultimate perk. I've been munching on turkey sandwiches all weekend thanks to Rodale. Lastly, their bathrooms are great! Clean and big with actual seat protectors. Doesn't smell like filth and body odor, and is not plagued by rude girls from the neighboring office... Of course, that's because Rodale doesn't share a restroom with rude girls from a neighboring office. They have their own. I'm telling you, it's the simple things in life, man.


marie lyn bernard said...

I once had to fill in the white lint balls and various other signs of slow decay on my black work pants (when I was a server) with a black sharpie before going to work. That's right, all over my ass. No one ever noticed a thing.

Gigi said...

I'm wearing Sharpie pants right now!