The World is Conspiring Against Me and This is How I Know:

Two Hour Delay at the Airport:

Now, considering that I fly in and out of the city at least two times a month, I've been pretty considerate of your collective attention span for not having bitched too much about the misery that is flying in/out of NYC airports. In order of hatred: LaGuardia, JFK, Newark (Yeah, it's in New Jersey. So?).

I can not elaborate enough how much a weekend trip (that's a day and a half, mind you) is ruined by flight delays. I can tell you in all honesty that I have been delayed EVERY time I've flown in or out of the above-mentioned airports. That's at least 14 times in the last few months. This past Friday I left my office at 3:30 p.m. (which pisses the boss off a bit) and didn't arrive in Orlando until 12 a.m.

The newest feature of your flight out of NYC is sitting on the runway for two hours. Instead of just alerting customers that the flight will be delayed (so they can go about life and not risk their jobs to leave early for a delayed flight, uh hem), the airline would rather you board the plane and sit on the runway for a few hours. D was fortunate enough to sit on the runway for 11 hours last month! He was flying from Boston to Chicago. That's usually a hour and a half flight. The plane had no water or food on it.

There is no end to how irritating this is becoming. I'm seriously considering canceling my flight to Miami this weekend. It is that bad. I'm getting pissed off just thinking about it.

Airport Security Stole My Perfume, Two Sticks of Mascara, Lipgloss...

Granted, I knew that I shouldn't be bringing them on my carry-on, but since I've gotten away with it before, I thought I would try it this time as well. Plus, I figured I would check my luggage if they found my stuff. Nope, they threw it away. I told them that, in that case, I was just going to check my luggage. "Nope, you can't. Once you're through, you can't go through again Watch the news," said the considerate airport representative.

I'm pretty sure this new tactic is illegal. The perfume alone was full and $80. I didn't see anything on the news about the airport stealing your goods once you've gone through security. I'm convinced that they need to give you an option. Did anyone else know/hear about that?


The Air Link Driver Threatened Me After the Super Shuttle Driver Dissed Me:

When I arrived at JFK last night, I called Super Shuttle, which is the service I use to get home cheaply. "20 minutes," barked the helpful (not very), custom-retention-sensitive (couldn't care less if she never heard from another custom again) and not-rude-at-all (she was a bitch) representative on the end of the phone.

"Can I pay with a credit card?" I asked.

"You can do whatever you feel like."

"But can I pay the driver or do I pay over the phone?"

"Do whatever you want."

"So the driver accepts credit cards?"

"Yes, do whatever you want. He'll be there in 15 or 20 minutes."


Forty minutes later and he wasn't there. A driver from another service (AirLink) asked where I was going and said he could take me home. After sitting in his van for 30 minutes, watching as he scrounged up passengers, another ex-Super Shuttle customer and I started getting a bit pissed. We could have been home. We asked him if we were leaving. "You can get out of the van if you want, I don't care." Thanks for answering the question, dick. I said that we wanted to stay, but we also wanted to leave. "You're last," he threatened me. Fuck you, dude. I took my luggage out and she and I shared a cab home. This decision, however, wasn't made until an hour and a half after I landed. My saving grace is that his attitude costed him the extra time he would now have to waste scrounging up two more customers. Sucker. I did, however, feel bad for the other people in the van.


Spinach!

In non-airport related news, I ordered a mixed greens salad today. "There's no spinach in it, right?"

"No. No spinach."

As you can imagine, half of the salad was spinach. I didn't know that there were even establishments left who would even bother offering it at risk of being sued. On that note, I do feel a little sick right now...