Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Two New Signs for NYC

This sign needs to be plastered all over the city

A while ago I mentioned that my friend Aaron is a better person than I'll ever be because he religiously carries around a plastic baggy to clean up his dog's crap.


"But it's all warm and gooey," I whined.

"Yeah, but how would you feel if you stepped in it?" He challenged.

In my mind, I thought that I'd rather someone else step in it than have to pick it up.

Today karma bit me in the ass. Who even knew that karma paid you back for your thoughts? I mean, I'd totally understand if I actually had a dog whose poop I failed to pick up, but punishment for the hypothetical is uncalled for.

So yeah, on my way to work this morning, in my nice leather shoes, I slipped into some mushy, soft stools. As I scraped my shoes on the sidewalk, I thought about what I would do to the dog owner had I seen him leave it there, in the middle of the street, no less. First, I thought I'd pick it up with my bare hands and throw it at him, whilst yelling some derogatory phrases and childish putdowns about him and his mom. Then I realized that this method would involve me picking up shit with my bare hands. So I moved onto a fantasy wherein I pick the shit up with a leaf and do the same. Finally, I envisioned picking it up with a leaf, running ahead of the perpetrator and putting it under his next step. I would then turn around, say nothing and assume he or she got the point.

As I walked further down my block, I saw the soup kitchen for the homeless and realized something pretty disturbing:

In the spirit of posting signs, this might also be a good one...

7 comments:

bufflo said...

Hahah! You stepped in shit!

I'd refrain from the shit posts though, if I were you, and wanted to come off as hot.

John Flowers said...

I totally agree with you.

And yet, if the owner of the dog is a minor and you throw it at them, suddenly, YOU'RE the villain.

http://www.gothamist.com/archives/2006/07/13/dog_doo_plea_de.php

Slinky Redfoot said...

this post makes me hungry

clarence rosario said...

It's worse when your dog subsequently eats hobo excrement. Also known as Park pate.

Stephanie Green said...

It happens to the best of us. And as someone who religiously scooped her pooch's poop while living in the city, it's doubly infuriating when you step in shit simply due to another dog owner's laziness...

Alison said...

One time my friend forgot to pack plastic bags and so she had to let her dog shit on the sidewalk and walk away. When she turned around, Cherry Jones (the actress) was standing there looking at the excrement in semi-disgusted fashion. My friend had just met Cherry Jones at a Doubt function, so she would have said "hello"... but instead she just ran away.

Gigi said...

Isn't it great how poop can bring us all toghether!