To understand the following post, you must know a few key factors:
A) I am gullible as hell
B) Jenny = Morris Ridgefield = this weird guy who has a self-righteous blog where he posts "advice," rants, and random email conversations he has with dumbass girls like me who will fall for it.
C) He must have got my email address from the Black Table masthead or from numberII magazine's contact page.
D) The absolute entire time (until the last couple entries, at least) I thought this was M and his friend messing with me.
Enjoy at my expense. Please. My stupidity amuses even me sometimes:
Jenny Lions <jennyboston@gmail.com > wrote:
Yo bitch,
stay away from my man. He is mine, just because you had sex with him, doesn't mean he is going to leave me. Grow up!
Jenny
GiGi to Jenny
Who are ya?
Jenny to GiGi
Don't take me for a fool bitch! Stay away from my Johnny! You think because your tits are bigger, he will like you more?
GiGi to M
Is this your chick? If so, tell her to leave me alone. Thanks, GiGi
GiGi to Jenny
[Now, thinking this was M and his friend messing around, I wrote back the following to "Jenny"]
Isn't it past your bedtime, M-ski? Stop thinking about me.You too, Burke. You guys need a new hobby.kisses.
Jenny to GiGi
[Going along with it, "Jenny" wrote back]
GiGi,
We are getting all hot and bothered thining about you! Care for a threesome?
GiGi to Jenny
Hmmm... Although having sex with two 35-year olds who are so bored they have to harass me via a fake email address on a Sunday night in lieu of, well, meeting a real girl, sounds enticing - I'm going to instead opt to clean the shelves in my medicine cabinet. You see, they have commenced rusting and I don't do well with rust. In any event, you can surely see my hesitancy at taking you fine lads up on this tempting proposition. But, please, don't feel obligated to cancel your plans on my account. After all, two is better than one - the latter with which I am sure you're very familiar.
M - be a dear and send me my Might mag.
Jenny Lions to GiGi
We even cut out your head and put it on the face of two lesbians...
You should take your PMS medicine more often. Your cabinet wouldn't rust out if you ever opened it. I'm sure with all the other pills you have in there (anti rage, anti constipation, laxatives) you do get confused at times.
haha, I am sure you and "Mr. Wiggles" know all about being alone.
Gigi to Jenny
Are you for real? I'm so happy it's over, lover.
I'm pretty sure I win. A reliance on laxative jokes pretty much confims this.
Morris Ridgefield to me
You've been punked!
Morris
http://askmorris.blogspot.com/ *
GiGi to Morris
[Still convinced it's M and his friend using a fake address, I continue writing...]
Cute blog. Comparing one's self to Maddox is pretty presumptious. Quoting Ashton Kutcher is ludicrous. Good night.
Oh yeah, good work on the alias.
Jenny Lions to GiGi
GiGi
As cute and intelligent as you are, I think you completly missed my point. I punked you. I have no clue who your friends are. Although I would be interested in talking to you more. You sound like a really interesting person.
Morris
http://askmorris.blogspot.com
GiGi to Jenny
Cool. Let's talk over coffee and a crumpet tomorrow (or scone, whatever you prefer, really). 7-ish? I've got a badminton game at 9:30.
Morris Ridgefield to GiGi
I think geographically we have an issue there, and I do have to work....
GiGi to Morris
Yeah, location has always been an issue with us, huh? That and personality defects.
Morris to GiGi
My dearest sweetie,
I would be more then happy to meet you some weekend, but my current parole doesn't allow me to leave Kentucky, so you can come to me, or we can just communicate virtually. What's your IM name? As for personaltiy defects, that really hurts!
GiGi to Morris
Sure, I'll come to Kentucky. I'm going to be in Boston tomorrow through wednesday, and then NYC until Friday. How 'bout Saturday or Sunday. Do they have crumpets in the big house?
Morris to GiGi
I'm under house arrest. I can get anything you want, even including some midol.
GiGi to Morris
You're boring me. Good night.
Morris to GiGi
Yeah I was just thinking the same thing. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
R to GiGi
Ha! Nope, not one of my old psychos. Who else you have sex with lately? Any guys with Boston ties? Burke and I could probably track this broad down if we had enough info. It's a small place. Now that I have her e-mail address, maybe I'll mess with her anyway...
GiGi to R
[Feeling like an imbecile at this point, I write back...]
Nah. No boston ties. Well, except my ex-boyfriend who I haven't seen since the ol' break up.As for sex, i don't kiss & tell, lover. Although I can assure you - I have no interest in any guys right now. I'm pretty focused on moving, so don't you worry your pretty little head off (I know you are). Y'all have fun with this one. I'm over it.good luck on your interview. Keep in touch.
Morris to GiGi
How did your badminton game go? Kick their ass?
GiGi to Morris
Of course. I am the badminton queen. In New Zealand they have a special name for me, but I can't remember what the hell it is.So, are you going to post my conversation with you? Do I get royalties? How does this all work out? I think you should post it, despite the fact that my replies were more skilled than yours. Yu'd have to alter your correspondence a bit to make yourself, well, seem more intelligent than me. I can help you out with this, of course
Morris to GiGi
You completely misunderstand me here. I am just trying to make a new friend! I have no intention of posting our convo. First of all, you are way too intelligent. The average person I look for is someone that would buy an extended warranty, and I know you wouldn't fall for that! People who buy an extended warranty are very gullible. If you would like to end our newly formed friendship I can understand.
GiGi to Morris
You are hilarious. I'm going to the airport. Talk to ya later!
Morris to GiGi
Hi,
Glad you aren't mad at me anymore. Saves me the $35 detective agency fee to find out who you are so I could send you flowers! But I don't need to do that anymore! I would have chose the cheap ones anyways and they usually die after a few days...I hope you have a fun trip!
*As far as I know, Morris never posted our conversation. He did ask me to talk to him on Google Talk, however. I declined. I'm bored, but not that bored.
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