Regarding Paulo C's Cousin:
The Skeeze posed a very interesting/important question about Paulo C’s cousin’s undeniable reek this morning on the subway:
“Is there some kind of device that could measure the aura of Paulo C’s cousin’s smell?”
“Yeah, your nose.”
“No, I mean something that would turn it purple so that we could see it coming from a mile away.”
“Oh, like that stuff that you put into a pool so that you can see when someone pees?"
"She really does smell. We can keep the windows open now that it’s getting warm outside.”
“Yes, but it’s pretty amazing how fast she can wipe out clean air. Seconds, I say!”
“What incredible powers she has. She’s basically a Superhero... The Incredible Stink!”
“Or like Pigpen, that little dirty character on Charlie Brown.”
“Oh, that’s good. Pigpen plus the Tasmanian devil cartoon guy. She swirls around and induces fear in everyone with an olfactory system.”
Considering the gravity of this conversation, one might deduce that our weekend was not very eventful.
Regarding My New Stalker from Monaco:
My new stalker (who is an ex-summer fling) called me a good 17 times. He then followed up to let me know that I’m the best telephone screener he knows. I can imagine he knows quite a few.
Dave has turned me into quite the psycho, which I find hilarious because I pride myself on being the "cool girlfriend."
Not only did I break up with Dave, take him back, break up with him, take him back and then decide I was moving to Chicago*, I've come up with some theories.
Theory #1: Dave is talking to his ex-girlfriend on his land line, rather than his cellphone.
Theory #2: If I do, in fact, move there, Dave will be happy letting me sit around bored on the weekend while he goes out with his friends (and, of course, his ex)
Theory #3: Since Dave hasn't told his friend that we're together, he is effectively single when they go out. He hooks up with other chicks.
Like I said, I've gone nuts. Do I actually believe any of the above? Absolutely. The worst part of it all is that I know I've gone mad.
*As of today, I’m still moving to Chicago. Tomorrow is a totally different story though.