Monday, January 08, 2007

A List of Things That Used to Only Kind of Annoy Me, But Now Make Me Seethe With Anger

"Oh my Gawd - Your hair looks so good!"

Now that I’ve made the decision to leave this place (granted I get another job), everything that I ever slightly disliked about it is completely magnified to the point of loathing.

A list of things that used to only kind of annoy me, but now make me seethe with anger:

-The fact that everyone here (minus a small handful) is hired right after college.
Even though some have been here two or three years, the average age is still 23 years old.

-There are only two guys here.
I’ve always wanted to be one of those women who is really compassionate about other women, but I’m just not. There is way too much estrogen in this place and I can not stand it. Everybody is always either bitching about something (hell, that’s what blogs are for) or giving false compliments. In reality, “No, Tina—your hair does not look good today. I hate your outfit too.”

-The fake-nice, snobby chick.
She extends false-compliments in a forced syrupy voice. Some fake-nice people can actually pull the wool over your eyes. Not this one. She also acts as if it’s the end of the world if our boss is on the phone when she needs to talk to her. When this happens, she huffs, rolls her eyes and stomps out. Hi, you’re 23 years old and your dad still pays your rent and buys your clothes. It’s really not that bad.

-The position of my desk.
I sit right next to my boss’s office so I have to witness the fake-nice, snobby chick in all of her huffing glory. Daily.

-The chick that asks questions that I couldn’t possibly have an answer for.
When I say “I don’t know,” she just stands there and stares at my profile with her beady eyes until she can think of another annoying question. Only this time it’s pertinent to me: “Why do you travel so much?” Please leave my desk now. Thanks.

-The fact that my boss loves the chick that asks questions that I couldn't possibly have an answer for.
I don't get it.

-The fact that my boss hates me.
It would make my life a lot easier if she liked me.

-The intern.
My God, this is the stupidest girl I’ve ever met. When a food delivery guy comes to the door, for instance, instead of asking if anyone has an order, she sends him to the next office. Inevitably he comes back. All she had to do was read the name on the ticket. “Oh, I didn’t see it.”

-The fact that people take themselves way too seriously here.
A while back, there were a few of us sitting around at lunch. One girl asked me if Dave had said “I love you” yet. I said, “yeah, once during sex.” She got really offended. Either she doesn’t have sex or this mammalian activity just completely grosses her out. She hasn’t made eye contact with me since, probably out of fear that she’ll go to hell by association.

-My boss’s voice.
Nails on a chalkboard.

-The bathroom.
It smells so bad and we have to share it with these nasty chicks next door. Here is a list, in no particular order, of things they do to make the bathroom a less pleasant place: leave pubic hairs on the toilet seat; pee on the toilet seat; reek like body odor, which effectively makes the bathroom reek like body odor; not close the door on their way out so everyone who walks down the hallway can hear me tinkling; and looking in the mirror way too long. Sorry, honey, you don’t get any prettier by staring in it longer.

-My inability to blog when I please.
I’ve said it a million times. There are spies here. Hi guys.


Anonymous said...

Classic! Can you punch any of them in the face on your way would be so 23 of you:).


Gigi said...

Hello darling. I've vowed not to say goodbye to anyone. This will make them very sad; teach them a lesson, etc.

Paige Jennifer said...

OMG - you literally work in The Office (poor thing).

A Concerned Fan said...

Seething is always a good thing!'s good to be back here!