I never thought that I would complain about getting free liquor and food...

...but you see—the Skeeze has started something very horrible. It all began one Saturday morning when we went for our routine Cuban breakfast and drinks. I usually have a Bloody Mary or two; Skeeze gets Jack on the rocks—a friendly alternative to coffee, indeed. The bartender there, finally noticing that we were regulars, did what any good bartender should do and gave us a round on the house. Taking into consideration that the Skeeze only recently started drinking (at approximately age 23), it is understandable that he has the tolerance of a little girl. He tends to get giggly and silly and makes some pretty lousy jokes (sorry, Skeeze--you do). What he also does is overtip. Now, I worked in the industry for quite a long time, so I can appreciate overtipping. 20% is normal, 25 – 30% is really nice, but a $35 tip on a $25 meal? That's ridiculous unless you’re trying to get laid. Skeeze, were you trying to get laid?

I’ll answer for the Skeeze: “I don’t dig sloppy Mexican men [even though I am one].”
Me: Okay, then why did you feel obliged to give him a 140% tip?
Skeeze: But, but, but... He gave us free drinks!
Me: So, we didn’t ask for them. In fact, we actually refused them and they kept coming.
Skeeze: I think I’m going to puke.

So, there you have it.

Fast forward to recently. We’ve gone in a few times for a drink after work and have been getting way too much attention from this guy. Evidently he’s been promoted to a manager in the last month. Now, in addition to free drinks, we're being served free appetizers. Backtrack to the drinks. These things are industry strength/sized margaritas (seriously: abnormally large, joke, ha-ha glasses you might see at some kind of gimmicky Mexican place). It’s embarrassing and draws way too much attention to us. We don’t want to be rude and not drink it, but on the other hand, if we wanted another drink, we would have ordered one rather than asking for the check. This is Tuesday night, not Friday night (or even better, Saturday morning).

Last week, we managed to take the margarita down. We felt pretty accomplished about the whole thing. Assuming we were not done, however, the manager came around with a shaker full of margarita and refilled the clown glass. At this point, we had to feed it to a homeless guy who happened to be walking down the street (we were sitting outside). He had no teeth.

Aside from the manager’s generosity and overbearing service, our actual waitress sucked. This place is known for its bad service, but we’re okay with it. I usually give a 20% tip out of habit and because I go in there so much that I don’t want to deal with offending anyone. So, on this particular night, after the free margaritas and a plate of guacamole and chips, I left $10 on $38.70 despite the fact that I’d only seen the waitress once the entire night. I saw her talking with the manager afterwards and maybe due to my paranoia, she looked like she was annoyed. I’m sorry, is 25% not good enough for you? Did the manager promise her that we were good tippers? Does she expect a good tip for her lousy service? Just because we get free shit, doesn’t mean you get an extra tip. Plus, the Skeeze is the overtipper here, not I.

So, yeah--I’m pissed at the Skeeze. He should have never left that tip. This manager guy now has a hard on for us and it won’t go down. It makes me really uncomfortable.

By the way, there is a new waitress there. She looks exactly like—and, I shit you not—that chick in the movie Dodgeball…the one on the Cobras, from Transylvania…the big nasty teef and hideous accent? I’m pretty sure it’s her. Only, now she’s slingin’ rice and beans on the Upper West.