Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Morning After Going Drinking Apology Letter Template

I think that everyone should have one of these in their arsenal. This is an excerpt from a letter I had to send to a friend this morning:

I meant to send you my "Morning After Going Drinking Apology Letter Template," but I already had two emails in to you so I refrained.

Basically, the Morning After Going Drinking Apology Letter Template features the following clauses:

-Sorry if I talked way too much about myself

-Sorry if this excessive talking about myself interfered with you wanting to talk about yourself (excessively)

-If I said anything negative about anyone/anything, it was the alcohol talking, not me. I'm an angel when I'm sober.

Anyway, that should cover all the bases. I totally missed a doctors appt this morning, not due to drinking, due moreover to the fact that I'm mildly retarded.


Stephanie Green said...

Brilliant. I seemed to overuse, "Sorry I hopped in a cab with Mr. X and didn't share one home with you."

DCchick1 said...

Love the blog...

There are a few things about that apology letter that I can attest to, one too many times! :)

Gigi said...

Two lushes after my own heart!

There were definitely a lot more clauses in this thing when I was single.

Ben said...

What, no "sorry I punched that guy/girl/bartender you were talking to," or "sorry after I walked you home I peed in your closet?" This is simply not the all-encompassing drunken apology letter as advertised...

Mikeachim said...

I need a different letter.
Hi, [friend]. I really enjoyed last night at [local watering-hole]- it was great to catch up - but I'm feeling a bit worried over something, and I feel I should clarify.
I don't really drink much. Spirits, mainly. I can't drink beer - it makes me bloated and surly and I end up the next morning with a small band of workmen wandering around my insides, hitting organs at random with large rubber mallets.
And that was why I kept drinking fruit juice. I like fruit juice.
Please note that me drinking fruit juice so much was (a) not because I think you're scum, and don't want to drink with you, or (b) not because I'm incredibly puritacically opposed to alcohol and I look down on all drinkers, including you, or (c) not because I'm some kind of lily-livered feeble spinless wretch with no sense of go or elan, or (d) not due to all three previous points.


Anonymous said...

Mike needs some attention, using someones comment section to promote your wit...shame, shame.

P.S. I didn't get the memo...your an angel sober?


Gigi said...

It's definitely all-encompassing for me, Ben. The only stupid thing I do when I'm drunk is run my mouth (and sometimes pee on the sidewalk). My boyfriend cringes when I suggest going to grab "a" drink.

Mike - I think that your letter might actually be the one that people send to me. Yeah, I'm that obnoxious.

Anonymous - Angel. Sware.

Mikeachim said...

I like writing rambling comments.
So shoot me.
*deafening volley of 360-degree gunfire*

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